We don’t often give ourselves enough credit for the things we actually CAN do.
We choose to fixate on what we are not, rather than what we are.
We see our lives through small, blurry, unclean lenses — similar to looking through the hole of a straw — rather than looking through a kaleidoscope, visualizing all of life’s colors, everything that is right there in front of you, dying to be seen.
But you can’t see it just yet.
You can’t see me either. But just know I’m trying to reach you, in whatever way I can. I’m trying to get to you; I’m knocking on the door to your heart, but you’ve locked everybody out. You won’t allow anyone else to come in. There’s a war going on between your head and your heart; your soul is caught in the crossfire, and it’s painful.
It feels as if everything around you is swallowing you whole; you’re drowning in a sea of your own creation. At the worst possible moment, you feel you’ve forgotten how to swim. The more the current picks up, the tighter you hold, desperately clinging onto whatever’s pushing you to stay, telling you there’s got to be something to live for.
I know it’s hard, but you’re gonna be alright. Someday, maybe you’ll be more than “alright.” But everything that’s worth having takes time, otherwise you wouldn’t desire it as badly. It’s very easy to get into the mindset that you’re not “good enough” or that your life will amount to nothing because you haven’t figured it all out by now. You have no set path, but a whole lot of dreams. No concrete path, but endless ideas.
Can I tell you something?
Where you are right now is not where you will be forever. Who you are right now is not the final stage of becoming. Humans are made of second chances, always becoming, always evolving. Who you are right now is helping who you aspire to be, who you will be in the future. Everything you could ever desire already resides deep within you. You are always becoming who you’re meant to be. You take however long you need to become who you need to be, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The weight is heavy on your shoulders, as if you’re carrying the entire world. I know you believe there is an easy way out, that you should take the easier road because it is what’s expected of you. Between limitations and expectations, it’s very easy to get caught up and forget your core. You’re searching for a way out, but you’re searching for the wrong thing.
You are already out — you must look within. The answers you seek lie within your core, who you are the pit of your being. It is not about finding someplace to come out of, it’s about finding a way to return, a way to get back in. To reach yourself the way I’m trying to reach you.
Within your body — your vessel — lies your soul, which is the closest thing to magic we as humans will ever get. Your soul is powerful, and reconnecting to your core is when you will feel its true power. Looking towards the external for the answers to your questions will only leave you unsatisfied; looking to your soul allows you to become enlightened. There is nothing more powerful than the perseverance of the soul.
I can’t tell you who you are, who you’re meant to be, or what you’re meant to do. But I can tell you to look within, to realize that you have always been capable. Of what? That’s not up to me to tell you, that’s something you must answer yourself. All I can tell you is that you are capable. You always have been.
So before you convince yourself that you cannot handle the heaviness of this life, I ask for you to place your hand on your chest and quietly take a few breaths.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out. Continue feeling the rise and fall of your chest as you breathe, and during this, show your negative thoughts the door and feel the weight slowly get lighter with each one you remove, making space for your soul who’s been dying to reach you.
Take all the time you need, because there truly is no rush. There are no limits; nothing is being expected. Be patient. One of my favorite quotes from the poet Rumi says “What you seek is seeking you.” Allow yourself to be sought after. Allow yourself a moment. Allow yourself to just be.
I have so much more I want to tell you, but hopefully this will suffice. I hope you give yourself another breath and stay for a little longer.
Always enough, never useless. Always evolving, never endless.