Why do we want the love of people who cannot love us back?
Why? We don’t know. There is an answer to this, yes, but the answer is something we cannot get a hold of. Something intangible. Too intangible that we keep on making the same mistake of falling for those who are bad for ourselves, again and again, because we cannot see it and we do not know what it is.
I try to think positive of everything, that when things aren’t granted to me it is only precedent of receiving things that are more than what I have asked for, that unfortunate events only lead to greatness. And in trying I’ve learned that looking towards the light and deciding I needed to pick myself up and out of misery will always give me more happiness than wallowing in despair, grief and melancholy.
But after we pick our selves up, we go back to a pattern and fall in love all over again until we break the pieces of our heart we have only just mended. Routine. Like breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hunger. Regardless of the situation, the place of choice and the time of day, it happens. And we think of ourselves as extremely unfortunate. We become that person who has to pretend that she’s happy. That person who everyone comes to for advice because she seems to be the most sane and mature of all, but who actually just has much to say because she knows a lot about pain and hurt.
Why? Some ask, is the love we receive from friends and family not enough? That’s not the issue, I’m afraid. It’s not the lack of love we’re talking about here, it’s the want of a specific kind of love that friends and family are not capable of providing. Romance. Partnership. Commitment. A friend once said, “We all look for permanence at some point.” And I told myself, that’s why. That’s why we hurt. Because we were able to experience how we want to be treated for the rest of our lives and it turns out it was all sample product. And the full bottle, not only can you not afford it, it wasn’t made available to you. After sometime, to your demise, they ran out of sample product too.
We tend to crave for things that aren’t allowed us. Maybe science can explain why, but regardless, I will never understand why our brain is wired that way. Why our heart goes to what we want more than towards what we really need. Until it gets to our heads that the only way we will ever be happy is when we get exactly what we need, we will always go for the wrong ones. The ones we think have what we need but don’t. They only have what we want, and what we want doesn’t always coincide with what we need.
How do we know what we need, you may ask? When it is what you need, and you have it, there is satisfaction. There is healing. No matter how much pain there will be, that person will always be up and ready to heal you. With love, compassion, perseverance and fervor to do it again and again if need be. And until we find that which we need, we will continue following the paths we think leads us to where we want to be. Then after sometime the path is cut at a dead end, so we go back to the start, find another path and try all the paths until we find one that leads us home. To happiness. To contentment. To love.