This Is Who I Was Before You

man standing on street
Mubariz Mehdizadeh

To this day, I never stopped and looked back at my past and regretted any decision that I ever made.

I remember the first time I saw you and I knew instantly that my life would change for the better. Slowly we started to look for each other in room full of people; we would take care of each other, and enjoy each other’s company while we stared at the stars talking about our future. I opened up to you about things I never told anybody and what I truly desired in this world full of hatred and uncertainty.

There were times between us that were perfect and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. You were the light that inspired me. I gave you everything I had, I gave you my word. I gave you my heart and when we departed I was left in oblivion.

I was a stranger, a stranger who entered your life and changed it. We both knew that what we had was never going to work because of the commitments you had made before I entered your life. I had made peace with it, but you always returned over and over again, and each time you returned you destroyed me worse than before. You knew what was happening to me, but that didn’t stop you from chipping away at what I worked so hard to build for myself.

I want to go back to those days, not the days where I spent countless hours with you, but the days before I met you.

I want to go back to when I was a stranger to you, to the days before I changed who I was for you, before I became somebody else. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see the person I wanted to be. All I see is a broken down man who is too afraid to move on to someone else due to the fear of experiencing the same fate.

Before I met you, I didn’t know what love felt like. I thank you for letting me love you.

Before I met you, I had found this confidence within myself, which I worked day and night for. I no longer carry on with the same confidence.

Before I met you, I worked towards my goal and knew what I desired in life. I no longer have the same goals or the desires.

The year 2017 was catastrophic for me. 2017 was also the year where I learned a lot about myself.

2018 will be the year I go back to my roots and become who I was destined to be. No longer will I stray away from my path. We had a good run, but this is where I leave what I have become behind. This time I promise to make myself proud and care for myself rather than putting others first who have always let me down.

Before I met you, I was myself. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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