How To Actually Get Over A Breakup

Flickr / Ken Banks
Flickr / Ken Banks

No one likes having to go through a breakup. But there comes a time in everybody’s lives where they will have to experience this traumatic ordeal. Many who have gone through this before will offer you their sage advice, and I am here to do the same. You don’t have to take my word for it, but if you feel like nothing else is working maybe reading my words will help.

Let’s be honest here, every one of your friends will come up to you to give their two cents on how to get better. Some will take you out to a club, or a bar or any other type of social activity. Others will tell you to get drunk or to occupy your time. Some may even tell you go get a rebound.

They’re all right. But there’s a science behind it. The only real cure to a breakup is time. The first few days will kill you, thinking about all the happy times you’ve both shared. Oh yeah that’s a recipe for disaster. While many will tell you not to think about it and to not call or text your ex, here’s what I think.

Admitting That It Hurts, And Letting It Hurt

You’re within the first month of this. It hurts and you’re crying every night. You wonder if this is only temporary and if somehow things will work out. Maybe it will, but you shouldn’t count on it yet. This is where your friends will (read might) crowd you to keep you company. Their first advice always is for you NOT to call or text your ex.

But I say do it. Go on, hurt yourself again. Listen to the indifference in their voice as they attempt to assure you it’s not you and it’s them. The reasons won’t matter and you won’t want to hear it because all that matters to you is that you’re not with them anymore. And the thought that you may never be again is what scares you, it’s what hurts most.

So call them. Feed your temptation. Get yourself stung the way you have before. Remind yourself of what it feels like, to strengthen your resolve. Believe me (and I swear this to you), you will see yourself calling them every day in the first week, once every two days after and before you know it, you’re only calling them once a month.

Whatever you do, do not get a rebound. Please. The poor lad (or lass if you will) doesn’t deserve it. Unless of course they are aware of the situation and are offering their company, in which case don’t. Because you won’t get better simply by having sex with another person.
Want to stalk their Facebook even though you know it will kill you seeing how much better they are without you? Do it. Feel the pain. Then grab a beer and drink till your brain can’t mix your A’s and B’s together. Believe in yourself that it will all get better soon.

If you feel like sitting at the park you once spent hours (with them) before, go there. Sit there. And remember every moment. Do not deprive yourself of this because you will never truly get the closure you deserve. You will only be burying it inside you. Let it hurt, and CRY. Crying will help so much. You might find yourself feeling so much better afterwards you start laughing while tears flow down your cheeks like I have.

You’re Done Crying, And You’re Ready To Move On

It’s been weeks, months maybe since it all began. The aftermath of which include empty bottles of liquor lying around the place. You still think about them, and you haven’t begun cleaning out their things yet. Your friends would probably have suggested by now you should throw everything of theirs away.

That’s entirely up to you but personally, I say don’t. There’s no point in it. Maybe it’ll remind you of the moments you’ve both shared and it might sting a little. But simply throwing it away won’t let you forget them. Remember that forgetting them is pointless, because the fact is that unless you have Alzheimer’s you probably won’t be forgetting them anytime soon. Instead, acknowledge that they were once an important part of your life.

The best way to move on is just to make them a distant part of your life that no longer affects you. Start doing the things you love again. Take art, go on a hike. Whatever floats your goat do it. You might find them on your mind more times than you care to admit but every day that passes you find yourself thinking of them less. Always look ahead, always. Because one day will come when you wake up, brush your teeth and turn on your computer only to see their status update on your timeline and you won’t feel anything.

One day.

One day.

One day.

Keep telling yourself that, especially on your darkest days. Remind yourself that the day WILL eventually come that you find yourself not thinking about them, not being bothered to check their social medias.

Prepare Yourself For A Possible Relapse

The day may yet come when you suddenly chance upon a picture online, or something similar, and it may awaken the devil inside you. Prepare yourself for it. And whatever you do, don’t fight it. Nobody expects you to get better and you don’t owe it to anyone but yourself. Not your friends who have been there supporting you, not your family and not even god.

You will probably feel the same way you felt when it all began, but it won’t be as bad. Do whatever you did before. Let yourself loose, cry and drink for a little while because remember that it will soon pass. Much faster than it did the first time around.

While I’m not a guru, and you can choose not to listen to my advice, I hope I’ve helped someone out there. This article is only the “basics” I would say. And if someone else out there would like to read more, or would like more advice from me since they agree with what I think, feel free to comment below and I ‘may’ get back to you if I see it. No promises though.

Just remember that one day everything will get better, and that you won’t even be able to recall why it hurt so much in the first place.

Cheers guys,

Rudolph. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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