Please, I Don’t Want You Back

I held on while it lasted. We squeezed every single sweetness we thought we had for each other. You made me feel special, like I was never really living before you happened in my life. That I was missing out on something big and you were the only ticket to my own happy ever after. I was in a hurry to share stories of you, I never really paid attention to what I really felt.

Everything you did was golden to my eyes, my gullible, innocent eyes. You said you did it just because, but then I’d see you high-fiving your friends after offering me a bouquet of red roses, like I was something to be achieved, a shallow goal, and later on gather dust on your romantic quests trophy case. I never cared much about your lies. I wanted you to continue the things you do for me.

You were not much of a talker, how else would I know that you loved me?

I can’t remember a time you made me laugh. If you think you did, then I may be more polite than I care to admit.

Did we ever hug? I may be sleeping too much, I think we were more intimate in my dreams.

Oh, holding hands was a thing so simple yet so complicated with you. How I wished to hold yours but you’d rather keep them warm in your pocket.

I have watched too many movies, and I have dreamt of you bringing it to life, bringing it to me, to us. You did not disappoint, but you did not surprise me. You followed a script I have memorized for so long, I grew tired of hiding my exhaustion beneath the twinkles, the smiles, and the kisses.

We slow danced for an audience, you thought I had happy tears, I kept you thinking so because I loved you with a sad heart.

We had a picnic, I let you eat my share despite my loud stomach, because I loved you with a scared heart.

We rode bikes together, never did I see you check on me as I lag behind. I loved you so much I let you finish the race without me.

The love you think you gave, broke me. You made me believe, you made me unreasonably happy. For all the times you tried to show me your love, you never once thought to ask how I was. All you cared about was getting your sweet messages across, never thinking about me and my thoughts. You acted like the bigger person, always giving, always willing. You loved how you love. You taught me to love you for what you did, not for who you are.

I don’t want you back. I’ve learned enough to last a lifetime. Don’t come back; keep the stitches where they are. Please do this for me, one last loving act. Please, I don’t want you back.