While trust remains as one of the most important components of every relationship – whether intimate or not, the “maintenance and strengthening” of trust is the challenge that most people have to face.
I often ask this: “What are the reasons why some people distrust the person they once trusted with their life and love?” I have come up with 5 of the many reasons, that I think, people distrust their partners.
1. Keeping issues to yourself. Most people in a relationship say that it is not important to discuss small issues such as valentine’s dates, simple arguments, and food choices. They call it petty things or irrelevant stuff within the relationship. We have to remember that everything, even the smallest things should be discussed, especially when it is within the confines of your relationship. Discussing small issues with open minds will prevent the partners to move towards unwanted argument; instead they might come up with the action plans to be taken moving forward. Be open, it will make you more vulnerable with each other and trust will go stronger.
2. Pride. Pride is a sin. Pride is not only about arrogance. Pride is most of the time the close-mindedness and the unaccepting attitude of the people with others’ explanations and reasoning. People who have pride issues always think that they know everything and their reasons are right without considering other people’s thoughts and opinions. Yes, you probably caught your partner texting sweet messages to someone – this will hurt you, definitely. But assuming that he/she is cheating will hurt your relationship. Talk about it with lowered pride and no prejudice. It might save your relationship.
3. Time. Time probably is the closest definition of life. Spending time with your partner is like spending part of your life with them. Lack of time is I think an invalid excuse knowing that everyone was given 24 hours a day, unless otherwise. Don’t rely on messages composed thru technology, yes they are helpful but make sure to spend time catching up face-to-face. Seeing and spending time with each other provides a greater sense of security with each other.
4. Self-unawareness. Trust should start within you. If you do not know how to trust, then you don’t deserve trust! But if you know that you can trust, but struggling to show it, I think you have to spend a little “me-time” and try to dig in to your inner self. Try to resolve your existing issues. It is very important that you are whole and complete when you show trust to others, this will also make you trustworthy. Again, this has been repeated a million time, “You cannot give something you don’t have.”
5. Personal walls. Everyone has created their own personal walls that block other people to see what’s hiding behind their shown persona. This is not bad, I’m telling you. But entering into a relationship with a wide and high wall will just disallow transparency within your relationship. Learn to be open, not so open towards your partner. As you grow with your partner, your personality, personal information, history, trivia, and anything (not everything) will be revealed. You will be surprised how similar and different things will make you trust each other more.
The list may go on and on. But one thing I am sure – every relationship has to face trust issues. This will make you stronger, wiser and maybe careful. Things happen for a reason, right reason. Trust issues maybe just one of the challenges that every relationship has to face but then again, challenges are essential in every relationship and companionship to teach important lessons. At the end of the day, trust and love are choices. These are things that need critical and careful analysis on whether to continue trusting and loving or just stop and move forward.