When You Are Your Own Worst Enemy

A woman dabs her mouth with a napkin while holding a hand mirror in Bekasi.
Septian simon / Unsplash

Everyone has their own battle. Just because we can’t see the enemy, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Honestly speaking, the most terrifying enemy is the one we cannot see. The one which comes unannounced. The one which we cannot lock up, roaming freely amongst us up to this day. It doesn’t choose its victim. This enemy is deadly. It does not just take lives, it takes away hopes, dreams, and futures.

This enemy leaves you awake at 3 a.m. consuming painkillers trying to numb yourself. It lets you face your bedroom wall wondering if you have done the right thing. It has you crying and bleeding at the bathroom floor early in the morning just before going to work. It makes you wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares and realize that the real nightmare is something you can’t wake up from. It makes you question if you’re good enough, if you’ve done enough, if you are enough. It makes you want to tell people how you feel but being unable to put it to words. It has you silently crying under your pillow at night and pulling yourself together the next day acting as if nothing happened. It makes you want to share with people, but being stopped by fear of being called too emotional, weak, or overdramatic.

This enemy is a battle against yourself. A fight against your own demons. A fight which a lot do not know about.

Indeed wounds that do not bleed have deeper scars. Fighting this enemy is a lot like being wounded. And wanting to cure that wound. Patch it up. Fix it. But not knowing where the bleed is coming from.

So a lot of us choose to fight silently. Quietly.

A lot of us have already lost this fight.

And I know a lot more whose fights are still ongoing.

We cannot afford to lose more brave souls on the battlefield.

Please. Reach out. To someone. May they be your family. Your friend. Your loved one. Your lover. Your neighbor.

I know sometimes, a simple, “I am here for you” is all we need to hear. Talking is not even necessary. Having someone simply be there is enough.

Yes, you are a fighter.

Yes, you are a hero.

Of course, you matter.

You are braver than you believe, smarter than you think, and stronger than you show.

But you do not have to fight this battle alone. Cause you are not alone.

You are not just battling any other enemy. You are battling THE enemy. And it takes a whole army to defeat it.

So here take my hand. We’re in this together. TC mark

One story, told five ways…

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