After having a rough time in my life that was full of bad experiences regarding work, relationships, and other things, I decided to rest and take some time for myself. I didn’t say no to binge-watching one series after the other. I let food be my comfort. I didn’t stop myself when I was binge-eating more than I should — all to make myself feel better. I slacked, and I didn’t get any work done; again, I didn’t say no to myself because the world was too hard on me anyway, so I didn’t want to be hard on myself as well. And it was good for a while, to completely rest, to let myself do whatever I wanted and not do whatever I didn’t want to do. It was good till it turned from a phase to a pattern in my life.
I wasn’t productive at all, and I wasn’t working on myself regarding any aspect. I kept being like that for quite some time. I kept saying to myself that it was okay not to be productive, it was okay to not work on myself, it was okay to find comfort in anything in order to recover. And it was all truly okay, but here’s the thing: It was okay for a while, but not when this became how my life was from now on.
It wasn’t okay when every time I didn’t want to do something, I used the rough phase I’d been going through as an excuse. I didn’t just take my time to rest and recover, but I got stuck deep in a rut, and every time I tried to pull myself out of it, I stopped because I always had a really good excuse, which was that I was resting and recovering from the hard time I had. And that’s how my life started taking a really bad turn. I started becoming unhealthier. I didn’t explore or try new things. I didn’t hang out with many people or meet anyone new. I didn’t work on my passion projects. I didn’t pursue my hobbies. I didn’t get any work done. I was just stuck in this cycle of chilling every day and kept just waiting till I got the urge to do something, hoping I’d just miraculously start feeling like I was okay. I spent so much time waiting, but this urge never came, nor this feeling. I didn’t feel like I wanted to work out or work on something or do anything.
I realized that I became so used to my comfort zone that every time I tried to get out of it, I had an excuse not to. And from here, I realized that it was about time that I say no to myself. It was about time that I started doing things, even if I didn’t feel like it. I learned that it’s okay to be hard on yourself sometimes for your own good. It’s okay to do this in order to drag yourself out of this rut.
There’s a fine line between letting yourself fall into a rut and taking a rest from overwhelming events. It’s okay to take your time to recover, but it’s not okay when it turns from some time to being how your life is from now on. I felt like I was a victim because of these experiences, that I just got comfortable with that idea and kept staying as a victim, so instead of actually starting doing something about it, I just kept playing this role.