The truth is, I still love you. Yes, despite everything, I am still in love with you today, and I miss you every single day. Yes, I still find you smart, funny, and charming. I still love talking to you for hours and hours. I still laugh so hard at your jokes and your sarcastic comments. I still like the way you think and the way you talk. I still get lost in your hazel eyes, and I still smile like an idiot every time I see you. But despite all this, I never forgot how you made me feel.
I never forgot how you’ve hurt me or how I used to cry every single day because of what you did to me. I never forgot the amount of pain I felt because of you. So yes, if you ask me if I love you or not, I will not lie to you and tell you that I don’t—I will tell you that I am still entirely in love with you. And if you asked me if I have forgiven you, maybe I will tell you that I have. Still, I will never be able to tell you that I have forgotten what you’ve done, because even though my wound doesn’t hurt as it used to and even though it stopped bleeding and it became more of a scar, it’s still there — it’s still reminding me of that day you truly cut me deep.
Maybe someday, this scar won’t look so ugly as it does right now. Maybe someday I won’t remember how you made me feel so intensely. Maybe eventually I will let go of the memory of how you’ve hurt me. Maybe someday I will feel like my love for you can conquer all that and overcome it. Maybe someday I will remember all the days I have cried because of you and all the tears I have shed because of you and they won’t seem like such sad memories, just memories.
Maybe when all this happens, I will be able to give us another chance, but maybe when all this happens, we won’t even be still in love with each other, and maybe we’ll have even been moved on from each other by then, which would be tragic. But that’s the thing, it was never easy to love you, and it was never easy not to love you either. I wish what we had was less complicated. Maybe then we could have found a way to solve this, but the sad truth is, it was never easy between us, even when we stopped being “us.”