I should’ve told you how much you hurt me when you did; instead, I decided to keep quiet because I thought that was the noble thing to do.
I should’ve said all the things that made my heart ache and all the words you said that made me feel worse about myself, but again, I kept quiet because I thought that it wasn’t such a big deal, and I just made it this way all in my head.
You kept doing things time after time that affected me badly, but I thought that not saying anything was the wisest thing to do, and that’s a sign of tolerance and patience.
I used to think that not telling you what you said or did hurt was me being the better person. I thought that taking stabs in my heart along the way and pretending as if nothing had happened was a sign of strength. I used to think that this is what people did in the name of love. They cried alone at night when nobody could see them, but never in front of the people they love so that their loved ones wouldn’t know how much what they did or said was too damn hurtful.
I used to think that choosing to suppress my emotions and avoid conflict is the way to keep relationships going smoothly. I kept so many things unsaid inside of me, only to realize that this is not the best way to handle relationships at all. Things just get piled on top of each other till they completely burst one day. The things left unsaid turn out to have worse consequences than all the things I could’ve said.
I realized that not expressing yourself and not letting things out is you slowly demolishing your voice and isolating yourself. It’s you accepting these hurtful words and actions. This is you not putting an end to this, but choosing to drown in all these suppressed feelings inside you and leaving yourself completely suffocated by them in the end. It’s you not clearing the air. It’s you choosing to be the hero in a story nobody asked you to be the hero in. It’s you not giving the person in front of you the chance to understand that what they have done has hurt you. It’s you not giving them an opportunity to explain their words or actions. It’s you accepting poor treatment time after time and thinking that this is the right thing to do.
It’s time to understand that not expressing yourself or letting things out or telling people how you feel is not a good thing to do. It’s you constantly hurting yourself and choosing to sacrifice your emotions for the sake of not bothering anyone else.
People should know what you keep inside of you. When somebody hurts you, they should know it. They should get the chance to understand that this is not acceptable and that they have made a mistake and wronged you. They deserve to get the opportunity to better themselves. You deserve to let this out and not deal with it internally all alone. You deserve to allow yourself to have the kind of relationships where you get to express what’s bothering you freely, without having the sort of fear that every time you speak up, you’re just going to lose the person in front of you.