woman lying on bed covering her face surrounded by photos and white camera

This Is Me Not Moving On (For Now)

Fuck it. I have been trying so hard to not think of you. I signed up for new things to do so that I would keep you off my mind. I have thrown myself into work so that you won’t pop into my head all the time. I have thrown myself into the company of every person around me so that I won’t be thinking about you.

I have gone nuts in the pursuit of forgetting about you. I have been doing it all, every single thing I have read, every single thing on the list that a person is supposed to do in order to get over someone. I have even deactivated my social media accounts so that I would stop stalking yours.

I have erased every single message and every single photo so I won’t have anything that would remind me of you, yet I am still fucking mesmerized by you, and even in my busiest times, the thought of you keeps haunting me.

I have been trying to fill this emptiness that I am feeling with so many things. I have been trying to find any way to not feel like there’s a void inside of me ever since you have been gone. But what if I should feel this emptiness after all?

Maybe my obsession with getting over you is what actually kept me from getting over you, or maybe I am not even ready to get over you now. Maybe I should stop pressuring and pushing myself to move on and to get over you when I still can’t. Maybe right now is not about moving on. Maybe I need some time. Maybe what I didn’t understand all along is that there are no certain steps that will magically let you get over someone unless you’re actually ready to.

I want to write about you, me, and all of us.

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