I used to be so happy every time you called me beautiful, but then you kept on saying it time after time and it didn’t make me happy anymore. It lost its magic when I realized that it was the only thing you ever said to compliment me.
I wanted to be more than just beautiful in your eyes. I wanted you to notice my sense of humor or even the way I laughed at things. I wanted you to tell me that I was smart or that you liked the way I think. I wanted you to tell me about the tiny little details that you loved about me. The idea of just being beautiful in your eyes and nothing more was killing me.
I wanted you to notice my hobbies or my creative side or even the way I loved living life to the fullest. I was waiting for you to tell me about the things you liked the most about my personality. I was yearning for you to give me just the slightest indication that you actually did like things about me other than my looks.
I wanted you to compliment me on my work ethic for a change. I didn’t want all of that out of validation or anything, but I just wanted to know that I was more to you than just beautiful. I wanted to know that when you tell me that you love me, it was not due to the way I look. Because I am much more than that. I am much more than just a beautiful girl.
I wanted to feel like it was not just about appearance for you, that there’s more than that between us. That you could see my soul and fall in love with it, that you could fall in love with my thoughts. That what’s between us is not that shallow.
I never thought that I would ever perceive being called beautiful as a bad thing. I never thought it would become something that I wouldn’t want to hear anymore. But feeling like I am just beautiful in your eyes and nothing more made me feel like less of a person. It made me feel like that was all that there was to me.
And if that’s all you can offer me, then excuse me for not being okay with this, even if “making me feel beautiful all the time” sounds like a good thing when people hear it from the outside. But it’s not enough, and it will never be.
So excuse me for not settling for such a mediocre relationship. Excuse me for searching for something that has more depth and more meaning to it. Excuse me for not wanting to feel like a thing that someone keeps around because it just looks beautiful.