The Worst Thing You Ever Did Was Make Me Dislike Myself

You brought out the worst in me. You brought out that side of me that I didn’t even realize I had. I don’t recall the last time I ever had to yell or wish someone to be hurt the same way I was hurt; this kind of behavior was so unlike me, but you made me like this, and it’s the worst thing you have ever done.

To be honest, I didn’t know that I had that ugly part in me, a part that talks shit about someone, that wishes someone hurt or regret, that wants revenge for getting my heart broken to pieces.

And when I got introduced to that part of me, I didn’t like it. And the thing is, I never thought that someone you once said all these sweet words to could make you say all these ugly words too, and I never thought I could look at someone I once loved with all that hatred. I never thought all these beautiful feelings I had could be replaced by such ugly ones.

When I got to know that side of me, I didn’t like it at all. You made me dislike myself more. And that to me was the worst thing you have ever done. And the worst part is that while I was yelling, talking badly about you, calling you names and wishing that you would hurt just the way you hurt me, I realized that I was destroying myself in the process. I was becoming this version of myself that I didn’t like.

I was so hurt that I didn’t think of the damage that I was doing to myself in the process, but now that I am aware of this, I realize that no amount of hurt is ever worth being that hateful or that resentful, because being like this made me realize that I was hurting myself more than hurting anyone else.

I hope that no matter what happens in your life, you won’t surrender to that feeling of hatred and let it consume you. I hope that you will choose to be better than this. I hope that you won’t give anyone that power to bring out that side of you or turn you into something that you are not.

I want to write about you, me, and all of us.

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