Parting ways with someone who has been part of your life is never easy. Those who say it is, are lying to you, and themselves. Whether they were in your life for a month, or 11 years, figuring out how to live in a world without them is a process. After recently parting ways with someone who was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend, I have learned so much about not only this new world I have entered in, but myself. We often see loss as something that we no longer have, but by learning these things I have actually gained so much more than I had before.
1. Being happy in the present.
I know this sounds really hippy dippy, but it is true. When you are in a relationship, you tend to look at the next step. When we move in together we will be happier. When we get married things will be perfect. When buy a house it will be better. When we are unhappy in the current state of our relationship, we use this future version of our relationship to fuel getting through the obstacles we are facing right then and there. After the break up, that futuristic world you live in, dissipates. You begin to live in the present. You no longer look towards the future, but enjoy the moment you are in. You realize that right where you are, is exactly where you are supposed to be.
2. Taking time for yourself.
When we are so deeply invested in another person we lose sight of time spent with ourselves. In a relationship, you form this one cohesive package. Let’s do dinner. Let’s go to the gym. Let’s go on a trip. After a break up, you can still do all these things. This time, with you. You have this beautiful opportunity to take care of yourself in a way you never were able to. Time that you were allocating on your significant other, you can now allocate on you. Once you do, any relationship you enter in thereafter, you will ensure you make “me time.” You deserve it.
3. Confidence in being alone.
There is this negative stigma of being alone and having hundreds of animals to keep you company. What is up with that? You do not need another person to fulfill you, or complete you. It is engrained in us from an early age that we journey through life to find “the one.” After a break up, you realize the person you need to find, is yourself. Finding the one is an added bonus. So many people are afraid of being alone, they are constantly searching for someone, or they settle for the first person that falls into their lap. When we are in relationships, this fear of the break up, of being alone causes so many insecurities. Confidence in being alone will in turn make you more confident in your next relationship.
4. Creating space in your heart for other things.
Love manifests itself in many forms, not just relationships. It is easy to get caught up in your relationship and leave no room for other things in your heart. It is important to fall in love with multiple things. After a break up, you create space for more. More friendships, more hobbies, more places on the map, more light in your life. This type of love is essential because it can only grow. When it is time to add a new person in your life, they will become part of your heart, not your entire heart.
5. Loving yourself.
The person we forget to love the most is ourselves. Your mind, your body, your heart, your soul, they need you. They need you to tell them how much you appreciate them, how proud you are of them, how important they are to you. Self-love is the hardest love to come by, but a love that once you create, you can never lose. After a break up we feel this loss of love. We think, who will be there to love us again? You will. You need you, more than you need someone else. The more love we give, the more love we receive. This is especially important when it comes to loving ourselves. Love yourself, for you. It will change everything.
Letting go of a relationship you no longer have is tough. You may think at first how much you have lost, but in time, you will also see how much you have gained.