The Day I Was Free From You Was The Day I Came Home To Myself

The Day I Was Free From You Was The Day I Came Home To Myself

The day I was free from you was the day I came home to myself. The day I left you, was the day I left your narrowing glare whenever you felt I had done something “wrong” or “not good enough.”

The day I was free from you, was the day I started making decisions based upon what I wanted and not what I thought would make you happy. I took myself to cities you never would have packed up and gone to with me because they didn’t serve what you needed. I moved back to a place which felt safe instead of trying to survive in an environment which felt full of scrutiny and fear. I put myself first, my happiness, my desires instead of pushing them deep down inside of myself so you wouldn’t look at me so full of contempt, I thought it would set me alight.

The day I was free from you was the day I realized just how much I had changed in your presence. The way I would filter my thoughts, my opinions, my sense of humor- because I was so afraid you would belittle me and disagree with me (which you always did). I realized how much of myself had gotten lost over the years, how I had been molded into this person you expected me to be, the person you needed me to be to make yourself look better. The day I left you was the day I realized just how right my friends had been when they told me I was disappearing in front of their eyes, that I had become this anxious, quiet and subdued person around you. How I only existed in your shadow. How the girl they loved just wasn’t around anymore. The day I left you was the day my friends and family stopped mourning the me I was before you crashed into my world and tried to tear it apart.

The day I was free from you was the day I realized just how much I had missed out on because you convinced me I wasn’t capable. I realized how easily you managed to brainwash me into thinking I needed you in order to survive. How you manipulated me into thinking I was only smart because you made me smart, the way you tried to tell me my friends weren’t real friends, the way you filled me up with self-doubt and self-hatred because I “expected too much” from people, when in reality you couldn’t meet my reasonable expectations of you, and the way you should love me.

The day I was free from you was the day I realized just how much my love for you limited me. I realized all of the things I want in this life which would never have been possible with you in it. I realized I am smart in my own right, that the clothes I choose to wear don’t make me “slutty” or “trashy” or any of the other words you bashed me with before we left the house. I realized that the words you used to put me back inside the cage you built for me were a tool to build the ego I unintentionally crushed.

The day I was free from you was the day I realized I am enough, more than enough, all by myself. I realized that the only love I really need is that for myself and for my friends and family.

The day I was free from you was the day I came home to myself. TC mark

About the author
Writer, Daydreamer, Coffee Addict Follow Rose on Instagram or read more articles from Rose on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related