Okay, so when did girl code stop being a thing? When did it become okay for girls to text, flirt with and send half-naked photos to someone else’s boyfriend? When did we, as girls, stop giving a shit about the moral girl compass? When did we start believing a guy is up for grabs, simply because he is willing to give us the time of day? When did we begin to give out our numbers and ask for theirs, and then just start texting them late at night when we know full well that they’re in bed with their girlfriend? When did we start to think that having a girlfriend was ‘no big deal’, that it ‘doesn’t change anything’, that ‘it’s beside the point’?
When did girls begin to seek comfort in someone whose reassurance, effort and time actually only belongs to one person? When did we start to believe that we can worm our way into their mind? That we can become a side-chick who gets to ask about his day and complain about ours? That we can send them Snapchats before we hit the town or fish for compliments on our outfit? That we can go to them for advice and rely on them when we are struggling? When did it become okay to steal the parts which should only exist for his girlfriend?
When did we decide that getting some side-dick was more important than remaining loyal to each other? When did we start to see ourselves as only worthy of the half-way or the almost? When did we decide it was better to tear each other down, simply for some ego-boosting and entertainment, rather than raising each other up? When did it become so much more thrilling to chase someone who doesn’t belong to us? Why has it gotten to the point where girls are saying, ‘It isn’t him I don’t trust, it’s her.’ Why are we all so afraid of the, ‘But she’s just a friend’ defense?
There used to be a girl code, right? If someone was taken, they were off the market and we accepted that. We did not see it as a challenge or a game. We did not think to ourselves, ‘Not for long’ or, ‘I’ll show him what a real woman looks like’. We did not have this illusion that we would somehow win him over, that we could simply steal him from the unsuspecting, innocent girlfriend. We did not use it to make ourselves feel better, to pit ourselves against the one he chose.
We used to be loyal to each other, even if we were complete strangers, there was this underlying respect. What happened to that?
Because ladies, we face too many problems in today’s world. We have enough drama competing for men who are available, we have enough trouble trying to prove ourselves to be fierce and independent and not in need of a man’s approval. We have enough hardships battling against misogynists and patriarchal bullshit, that we need to stand together on something as simple as understanding that if a guy is taken, he’s taken. He isn’t bait. He isn’t a tool to determine your self-worth. He isn’t prey to catch.
And the girlfriend? She isn’t your enemy or your competition.
Women are fearless, courageous, sassy AF and we should use those qualities to raise each other up, look after each other and respect each other.
We all need to bring girl code back.
We need to enforce it.
We need to stop using each other to fix whatever it is inside of us that doesn’t feel enough.
Because we are.
All of us.