This year, when the clock strikes midnight and you press your lips to mine, it will speak a million words, a million promises fulfilled and a million doubts not realized. It will tell me that those worries I had all those months ago were not necessary; it will tell me that we had this right from the beginning.
I know it’s silly, my love, but I thought maybe we wouldn’t make it this far.
Not because our feelings weren’t enough, but because we both want so much from life and we always promised we wouldn’t sacrifice our dreams for each other; in fact, that’s one of the many reasons we made sense—we value our careers over anything else and we knew that in each other there would never be ultimatums.
I remember that day so vividly, laying on your bed in the middle of winter with snow falling like a blanket over the city, figuring out the logistics of how we could fit so much of what we want into the same world, for our universes to collide somehow, piece everything together and just be happy. And even then, when we decided to make a go of it there was a voice in the back of my mind telling me I was a fool for letting my heart win.
Why did my heart always have to win?
But as the flickering lights and the scent of mulled wine and warm mince pies fills the air and fireworks begin their journey into the empty sky and I feel your fingers against my skin and your breath against my face, I will know that we can conquer anything pushed our way.
I will know that we can have our dreams and each other too, that love and ambition do not have to be separate things.
I will think back to all of those nights I questioned our decision, if we were strong enough, if I was. I’ll remember that day I waved you goodbye as I started college and I sat in my dorm room and cried for you, for us, and you told me you’d always carry me in your heart, that what we have is bigger than the both of us.
This New Year’s, I’ll lean in real close, whisper ‘happy new year my love, we made it.’
And here is to many, many more. Here is to following our dreams and waiting for the day we can collapse at the end of a long week doing what we do best.
Here is to forever.
Here is to always and in all ways.
Here is to us.