We often hear from our friends, “you’ll know he’s the one when you meet him, there will be a magical moment that only your eyes can see and you’ll hear every beat of your heart”.The world is too big for those who are searching for their so-called soul mate, waiting for their prince charming and the knight in shining armor that would show on their own fairy tale. As a woman, who wouldn’t dream of that? You were wishing that someday somehow he will show in front of you and feel the adrenaline rush of “kilig“ in every nerve of your body.
And then someone stranger came, you melted the moment he smiled at you. Finally, you’ve met the man of your dreams. Your world spin only to him. He’s close to perfection. He showered you love and affections that you know you deserve. You became his priority in every aspect of his life. He gave you so much happiness by doing that!You’ve convinced yourself that he’s the one waiting for you while walking down the aisle. Everything was perfect that you hardly believe.You can’t even recognize what’s the difference between reality and dreams.
But the fate changed and that love turned out to be the greatest heartache in my life.Yes, It’s my experience.Funny right? I almost died, I don’t even know what to call those unwanted feelings. All I know is, it’s too heavy, it’s too dark, it’s too hard, I can’t breathe.There were times that I long for the day that when I woke up it will no longer hurt. When my eyes won’t be crying and won’t be hurt by the sun rays when I let the light in into my dark room.I long for the day that when I stop from stalking his account, being curious on what he posted, liked and commented. I long for the day that when I stop dreaming that It is him beside me, not anyone else.For the Nth time, I hoped. I prayed to God that he would give us a second chance for the both of us, to change everything that caused pain from the past. But I was wrong.Again, I was wrong for thinking that way, for hoping that way, for praying that way.
I fell in love with the idea of having someone who would really complete my life, having the perfect love story and I forgot that God has better plans for me, that He has written my story far better than how I imagined. It was a funny statement that I even asked God ” If he’s not the one, Make him the one! ” The worst part, I blamed God for bringing the wrong person into my life when actually, I ‘m the one who insisted on it, who chose to love that person. I didn’t realize that I’m the one who leads myself to someone whom I invested enough feelings for me to be convinced that he is worth the risk. I hoped for someone who loves without conditions and will always stay by my side that I totally forgot that only God can give unconditional love and would never ever leave me alone. I haven’t found “the one” because I didn’t look for God first. I was hurt for trusting my life with someone and I forgot that I owe HIM my whole life. I felt betrayed for I didn’t TRUST God. I was lost with the idea of falling in love with someone and forgot God’s desire to lead me to the right path, to the right person he reserves for me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”- 1 Cor. 13:48
Now I’m enjoying my relationship with God, I’m still praying that He would show me “the one” not in my timeline but on His perfect time!
So today, I’m trusting in you God…I’m going to trust You to lead me to the one…
Lead me to the one, who will not hold my hand but hold his hands together and kneel down to pray to you!
Lead me to the one whose eyes weren’t looking for me but who seeks first His redeemer.
Lead me to the one who wouldn’t invite me into a cheap four corner rooms but who will accompany me inside your House.
Lead me to the one who doesn’t utter sweet words but who’ll feed me with your gospel.
Lead me to the one who doesn’t know how to sing but who give praises thru your music.
Lead me to the one who can’t move mountains by himself but who believes that You alone can move those mountains of rocks.
Lead me to the one who doesn’t have expensive cars but to someone who can take the road of faith.
Lead me to the one who’s deaf but who listens to you.
Lead me to the one who Loves you more…
I’ll be patient and trust your timing, oh God. I’m going to let go of my worries and won’t question your plans for me. I’m going to ask for your guidance when I’m conflicted with my decisions. I will let go my own desires.I know that you’ll lead me to the right person, or to the life I’m meant to live, even if that’s a life I didn’t imagine.