Dear Dude Who Doesn’t Date Feminists, Please Go On A Date With Me

Patrick Humphries
Patrick Humphries

Hi Dave Hon,

It’s Rosa. I recently saw your article “Why I’ll Never Date a Feminist.” I’m going to be honest. I didn’t love it. Well, actually, (to borrow a phrase from you Men’s Rights types), I hated it.

See, I like men. I date men. So when I hear, that a man wouldn’t date me just because I think that I deserve equal rights, it’s pretty upsetting. So, I think we should talk this out, maybe over dinner?

Let’s say next Saturday? I’m free?

I don’t know if you live anywhere near the Greater NYC area, but I live in Brooklyn. (Sorry, I can’t tell you anything more specific because us ladies afraid for our lives on the internet a lot. You are lucky that you are getting my whole name). It’s okay, I think we can make long distance work.

So let’s talk a little about me. I’m 23, from California originally. I love biking, Mexican food, and old movies. Oh yeah, also I was sexually assaulted like 6 years ago. And I guess that’s really when I started this whole crazy feminist thing.

I know you must be really against feminists now. They have been saying a lot about you and this article on the internet. I mean, more against than you were when you wrote this article, which was already a lot. But, maybe if we have dinner I can change your mind.

Feminists can be people, just like you!

Here’s my plan. You pick me up from my place. But I am not going to get into your car. Because we haven’t met yet and I was taught from childhood to fear cars and men and definitely men in cars. And I am not just talking about from my crazy feminist mom. I was taught it in school. In books. On TV. Have you seen Criminal Minds? I love that show.

So we will walk to dinner. You will probably order for me. You will think it is romantic or it makes you look like Cary Grant, but unfortunately, you don’t know I don’t eat meat and am allergic to mushrooms, so whatever you order, I will probably not be able to eat it.

Really, me not eating is for the better. Since a big part of being female is worrying about your body. Thank you’re Man’s Rights Brothers. But also the media and a history of commodification. Don’t worry, you might be able to understand this soon.

See a lot of people on the internet are calling you ugly. Which, personally, I am not going to do. See, as a feminist, I don’t think we should shame anyone based on their appearances. I love the body positive movement and believe that all body types are beautiful. But you don’t believe in feminism and you probably don’t believe in any of this either. So IDK, can’t help you.

But back to dinner. We will have so much to talk about. We are both writers. Wait, I write a lot about being a girl. And you don’t want to hear about my experiences of that. We can’t talk about college, because a lot of my time was spent at our Women’s center meeting fellow sexual assault survivors. And you don’t think colleges have a problem with rape. Similarly, we can’t talk statistics or current events. Or anything based in the real world.

Okay, so what is left? Do you like movies? I love movies. So we will talk about that and nothing else. You will pay for dinner. You might not believe in the wage gap, but again, we aren’t talking statistics. So let’s just say, it’s your right as a man.

You will walk me home. I will not invite you up or even kiss you tonight. See you love Men’s Right’s activists and those are the guys who are always revenge porn-ing and slut shaming. So let’s keep us pure. I would rather not have sex until we are married. If you are going to talk to me about women’s rights like it’s 1890, let’s make our dates that way too. I will say goodbye with a handshake.

So what do you think? I think we could make this relationship work. Only one problem. You said, “People who are more loyal to their gender and not their significant other don’t make good partners.” And come on, we both know it. You are more loyal to men. So you can’t be a good partner.

I want a partner in the truest sense of the term. I want us to be equals.

I want us to be able to challenge each other and our views. But you, you are the one instigating battles. Because while you say, you want to be heard, you don’t want to hear others.

But a first date isn’t marriage. So why not, let’s do it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Brooklyn-based comedian, angry feminist on the internet, maker of really good empanadas.

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