A first date is like a job interview, except instead of trying to convince a boss you’re worth being given money, you’re trying to convince somebody that you’re an emotionally sane person who is worth seeing on a semi-regular basis (or at the very least, that they should let you stick your tongue inside their mouth).
We’ve all been there: butterflies in your stomach, making sure your hair is perfect, and worrying you’ll say the wrong thing. There are a lot of ways to screw that last one up, but you can usually salvage a mispronunciation or Freudian slip. But under no circumstances should you ever, ever say any of the following:
Sorry, I’m late.
My ex and I used to come here a lot.
This is my first date since my ex left me.
All of my exes are crazy.
I’m a really nice guy.
I’m really glad I have a girlfriend now.
I don’t want to label anything.
My mom is really excited to meet you.
I have a really close relationship with my mother.
I have a redhead fetish.
You’re paying, right?
I forgot my wallet.
I love you.