A first date is like a job interview, except instead of trying to convince a boss you’re worth being given money, you’re trying to convince somebody that you’re an emotionally sane person who is worth seeing on a semi-regular basis (or at the very least, that they should let you stick your tongue inside their mouth).

We’ve all been there: butterflies in your stomach, making sure your hair is perfect, and worrying you’ll say the wrong thing. There are a lot of ways to screw that last one up, but you can usually salvage a mispronunciation or Freudian slip. But under no circumstances should you ever, ever say any of the following:

1.

Sorry, I’m late.

2.

My ex and I used to come here a lot.

3.

This is my first date since my ex left me.

4.

All of my exes are crazy.

5.

I’m a really nice guy.

6.

I’m really glad I have a girlfriend now.

7.

I don’t want to label anything.

8.

My mom is really excited to meet you.

9.

I have a really close relationship with my mother.

10.

I have a redhead fetish.

11.

You’re paying, right?

12.

I forgot my wallet.

13.

I love you.