The Best Relationship Of Your Life Will Be With Someone Who Watches Porn With You

A girl watching porn
Pexels / Valeria Boltneva

First of all, if you’re having an issue with Porn to begin with then you should definitely continue reading. (Note: while reading this article try not to blame Porn or the people performing in it, simply recognize the issue you have with Porn itself). Secondly, if your own romantic relationship is not fulfilling to you, then I invite you to read on with an open mind.

I use Porn only as an agitator in this article because anything to do with Sex or Porn has people hush down, feel awkward or embarrassed and it’s simply a topic that will command attention in any room when brought up.

Why is that? Why has the act of procreation become such a taboo thing? Why can’t we seem to talk about Sex the same way we talk about well being? Why does Sex always have to be the thing that gets people bent out of shape?

The answer is simple: We are still not honoring and treating sexual energy as life energy. We are not teaching our children about the power of sexual energy and how to use it wisely and for the good of humanity.

Sexual energy is so powerful it causes wars, it damages children and it breaks up families. But it can also heal the planet, free people and create a peaceful life that most of us can only dream of.

It didn’t used to be that way though. Years and years ago, in certain cultures and tribes, women and men used to have sex to procreate and then the village would raise the children. There was a certain kind of harmony that was present in their everyday lives. Warriors would come home from battles and receiving feminine energy and touch was a way to recharge their masculine energy — their strength.

So, when two partners can have an open dialogue about Sex (including Porn), only then can they start treating Sex as part of their well being and the well being of their relationship.

Any relationship that does not tolerate talking about porn or sexual fantasies is a relationship that is closed off, constraining and runs on false expectations.

Sure, many of us have our own hang-ups around porn due to sexual abuse in the past. And that, of course, is valid, especially emotionally. But no matter what’s in our past, we are human beings with sexual desires, fantasies and dreams that will never go away.

Even if our past has been tainted by abuse, we will continue running into the fact that Sex is what makes the world go round. If you don’t agree, you underestimate the power of just the word itself when spoken in public. What other word or topic can you bring up in public that will have heads turn faster than the speed of light? Drugs? Not quite the same.

A powerful conversation about Sex ultimately has the power to transform the world, but we have to start with ourselves. We need to start being authentic about our own [past] story around Sex and share our desires and fantasies openly with our partners. Only then can we start transforming the world from the inside out. We have to let each other ‘be’ ourselves, including our sexual desires.

Porn is only a visual reflection of the desires and fantasies of our collective mind.

Porn is not wrong or right. Porn simply exists and it exists solely due to high demand and therefore it is obvious that as a society we have desires and fantasies beyond the monogamous relationships we‘re living in. And it is only through owning up to and sharing those desires and fantasies with our partners that we can liberate ourselves to be free around Sex.

Anything less than that will continue creating relationships that will never be truly fulfilling and men and women will continue to be inclined to look for outside validation of their fantasies (strip clubs, massage parlors, escorts, affairs etc.).

So, if you’re committed to having a fulfilling and life-long romantic partnership — and you have never watched porn with your partner — try this:

1. Have a very authentic conversation with your partner about this article.

2. Create a safe space for each partner to be able to truly say what’s on their mind (Note: That’s when you have to put ALL judgment on hold for the day. Not easy, but you have to start somewhere).

3. Make time to watch 10–15 minutes of porn together.

4. Whatever comes up during this mini session, discuss it with full authenticity and be open to admit and deal with your own jealousy, insecurity and constraints around the topic.

5. Openly share your own individual sexual desires and fantasies (Remember, Porn is simply used here to ‘push your buttons’. But the buttons are yours and it is your responsibility to deal with the emotions that come up. Sure, as partners we support each other in dealing with those emotions, but we gotta own them. They’re ours.)

6. Start a conversation on how both of you in this relationship can create an open dialogue around Sex and create compromises that could potentially result in a fulfilling relationship that includes passion, self-love, Sex and well being all in one beautiful package.

7. Know that it’s like a muscle. Have these type of conversations frequently and it will get easier and easier. Trust me on this one!

8. Keep watching Porn if it serves the relationship. If not then don’t. But don’t not watch it because you think it’s ‘wrong’ or it makes you jealous. You have to be honest with yourselves or you will invalidate the exercise. (Remember: This is not about watching Porn. This is about confronting the most uncomfortable of topics inside a romantic relationship. It’s about what comes up and how it gets dealt with.)

9. Honor and respect each other’s speed of growth. But do commit to continuously challenge each other in owning and dealing with your own ‘buttons’ and always know that minds can and will change. Even when it comes to Sex.

When it’s all said and done, I do believe that ANY hang-up or conversation around Sex (including abuse) can be transformed and put in the past. .

Freedom lays in letting go and changing the conversation around Sex. A fulfilled romantic partnership depends on both partners being able to let go of the past, re-create the moment and plan an inspiring future together in the area of Love, Sex & Intimacy. TC mark

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