I was on the brim of throwing away the good pieces that made us fit. I was about to scream how awfully I loved him but our fights were even louder. Almost everyday, I told him what I didn’t like about him and he always made sure to respond in the worst manner a man could ever do. We were just gradually losing what kept us together… And then I gave up.
One day, I knew I should do something more permanent to put the fire down. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was getting so crazy how being in a relationship felt so heavy on the chest. And it was even weirder that I was starting to feel a connection with quotes meant for those who have heartaches. In those moments, I knew I wanted to walk away so I did.
And all hell broke loose. Forbidden words started flying everywhere. Even our private messages captured a tone of intense yelling. It was almost as if he was shouting right to my ear. It was so deafening. And for some reason, instead of gathering myself and just walking away, I stooped down and threw back caps lock messages of how everything between us was getting so unruly; and how I hated what we’ve become. We were just not working anymore. I knew it. I felt it. I know he did too.
But amidst all the hatred we felt just exchanging insults and everything painful, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him how I regret what we had. I hated his ways with a burning passion but there was nothing in me that could tell him that he was a mistake. Because I was deeply sure how I don’t regret giving us a chance and that if he were truly a mistake, then he’d be the best one I ever made.
I knew how I truly loved him, by how our fights were bringing us back together instead of leaving us puzzled where to go. It was our constant fights that assured us how we are actually so locked in each other’s arms. And come to think of it, all these happened to us who are battling a long-distance relationship, which by the way, is ultimately difficult at some point. But I found it impeccable to have found a love as strong as this. Because I thought it would be much easier to break us off because we’re not together physically anyway. But our hearts were too drawn to each other that it made walking away such a chore. It was unbelievably difficult!
Now I know he’s never going to be my favorite good bye because I couldn’t even utter those words to him. I may turn my back on him sometimes but I can never take one step farther. Not even a little tiptoe.
I swear I’m amazed by how two people can love each other this much from a distance. And I’m glad we’re one of those people who can tell the world that although long-distance relationships may be stressful at times and a bit high-maintenance for some, it works. It doesn’t happen all the time but I assure you it could work.
And for that, I love him with all the good and the bad.