Why do straight men get insanely defensive over their sexuality? I’ve never quite understood why so many of my fellow men have such a difficult time admitting that another man is attractive, nor do I understand the obsession with needing to prove how “straight” you are. Often times this results in the use of hateful words, aggression, intolerance, and acting like an all-round dick. Seriously, you can still be a straight man and appreciate that Jon Snow from Game of Thrones is a goddamn piece of art to look at. So let me try and spit some truth, in text form.
As someone who identifies as a straight male—yes, I prefer to have sex with women—in terms of physical sexual attraction, am I attracted to women purely based on their sex, or is it more that I am attracted to traits that I perceive as ‘feminine’? So my brain made a clear link between those “feminine” traits and what I am attracted to physically, right? Is physical attraction something that is not only in our code but more so something that can be conditioned into us?
There is no way that it all boils down to the mere fact that I as an individual prefer to have sex with the opposite sex. How much of that really dictates physical attraction? Especially in 2015 where a lot of dudes out there now dress and look exactly like the women I find attractive. There’s a ton a dudes who have these very feminine traits I perceive as “feminine” and physically desirable.
Here’s a quick personal story of mine to further illustrate, a story starring a more “hardcore” version of me back in 2010, a version of me that liked wearing all black and boots that should have belonged on Marilyn Manson and definitely not on a nerdy Indian dude like myself. In an old really almost sadly effortless bar at the back of an industrial complex called D’s I would gather with a bunch of other pseudo-angsty teenagers to early 20-somethings and we would listen to truly godawful turbulent live music that blared from amps that delivered more feedback than any decipherable melody. It was here, at D’s, where I met ‘Unlucky Lady #3’ (Unlucky Lady being the name I give to all the women who have had the experience of encountering me romantically.)
I found her to be one of the most heart-attack-inducing, soul stealingly beautiful females I have ever seen. She had soft features, long blonde hair, and blue eyes with minimal eye shadow. I remember feeling so ridiculously enamored by her that all I wanted to do was body slam her with my Antonio Banderas passion.
Flash-forward to the present. I’m perusing through Tumblr and notice some fan-girling over some young famous dude… I look at the photo. THAT DUDE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ‘UNLUCKY LADY #3’ EXACTLY… IDENTICAL. The only visible external difference was that he didn’t have breasts. Otherwise, he was a perfect replica of the girl I wanted to body slam my love into. That moment I realized, holy shit, I definitely find some dudes attractive.
So let’s quit playing. Straight men, let’s not lie to ourselves. Does all this mean we want to have sex with other men…? No, of course not. It means that it’s completely fine to admit that some dudes are physically attractive and nobody needs to get defensive about it or prove anything or resort to overtly defensive actions and homophobic slurs or any of that all-round dick behavior. Nobody sincerely cares about how straight you are. So get over it and get comfortable.