I wonder if she knows that I miss her still? Is it strange to still see her face in heated visions? To wonder how she is feeling, hoping she is doing well. I hope she knows I always wanted what was best for her. Sometimes it is an onerous decision when you realize that you were not the choice that should be made.
Too long for someone with that intense craving that makes you shudder at the thought that you might not be able to quell your desire as quite insufferable.
Then you begin to reason with the torment in your heart, rationalizing that this outcome is the best for everyone. But you still feel that nagging pang in your soul. At times the thoughts pervade your mind, other occurrences are brief recollections that pepper your conscious day. Life has moved on.
Sometimes I feel a subtle guilt for the times I am with others but my thoughts stray to her. Little things draw me back. Doing something we once did together brings that solemn smile to my face.
I think of her warmth, of her flesh, the caring embraces and passionate kisses. The way we talked, the nuanced caresses, the countless messages about nothing in particular but to just let her know she was inside my thoughts.
Someday I may well wrestle these contemplations from my soul. Someday maybe there will only remain the slightest vestige of these endearments that plague me now. But someday is not today. Today I still miss her…