Can you be friends with your ex without it affecting a new relationship?
Honestly I don’t think you can. Because what you had with that person will echo in your current relationship. Memories you shared will linger around you like a ghost.
Innocent relationships you maintain will cast a shadow over the new ones you should be building.
Your new partner is supposed to feel special, like the only person you will ever love. But how can they ever feel special when they are reminded that you have already experienced that love with somebody else?
If you are truly ready to commit to a new relationship, then you need to sacrifice old romances.
It’s nice if you can be friends with your ex, but that’s what they are, an ex. History. A historical present doesn’t exist, it’s an oxymoron. The two words contradict each other.
“I loved her, I can’t just forget that. Of course I will always be there for her.”
Some may argue that there isn’t any romance left in the old relationship, that they truly are just a friend.
But as a girl (yes we are dramatic) I can’t help but think you’ve been intimate with this person, you’ve loved this person, there was a time when you thought you may be together forever. You had experiences with this person that will stay with you both forever.
You can’t just forget that you loved someone. And now they’re your friend? Somebody you will always be there for? There has to be a certain amount of love left to still feel that endeared.
Who comes first if your ex suddenly needs you? Whose feelings do you sacrifice?
It’s a cruel kindness you’re inflicting. Yes, you’re being a nice person because you’re not holding on to any grudges, you still support this person, and you’re being kind.
But you’re also being cruel to your new love by reminding them that they’re not special and that your loyalty is scattered. You’ve already experienced a love that you thought would be unbreakable, and that past love is still in your life.
If you truly are ready to commit to a new relationship, if you love them, then you owe them a clean slate. A world where your love is unique and irreplaceable. Not a love second to the one you had before.
Your ex shouldn’t be plastered all over your phone, it’s okay to let them sit on your social media, but as an inactive contact.
Don’t message each other or like each other’s photos. Delete their number without your new partner having to ask.
In the words of Elsa, let it go. Why do you need to hang on to an old relationship, especially if it hurts your new partner?
If you don’t share children, there really is no excuse. If you find it hard to let go then you need to step back and figure out how you truly feel. Maybe there is unfinished business, and if so, do not lead somebody else on.
Maybe I am too loyal and empathetic or black and white and closed minded but I can’t see a new love thriving when an old love is still casting a shadow.