I took me awhile to admit to myself that I had fallen in love with my best friend. Funny thing is he’s dating my other best friend. I’ve known him longer than she has. She’s hurt him in the past. She’s perfect in his eyes. Tall, skinny, double D’s. I know this is unrequited love. One day I want to ask him if he ever felt the way I did. It bother me that it could be just one sided. How could he not feel this connection? But, then I think what the point is. If he did he would have done something about it. When they first started dating and the three of us would hang out I know she would feel like a third wheel. I’ve recognized that this happens so I try not to make it like that. We just have so many inside jokes that it’s hard. He understands me in a different way than other people do. He’ll know my exact thoughts and I know his. Whenever we hang out in a group with other people me and him will just look at each other and laugh. That look where we both are thinking the same thing at a comment someone has made. I know him better than she does. He’s not himself with her. He even recognizes and says, “Imagine if I did this in front of her.. She’d say what the hell.” How can you be with someone and not be comfortable with them. HOW? I was the first to get to know him at that level. He’s more fun when she’s not around. Sometimes I think what it would be like if we had dated. Stupid thoughts.
- It would never happen.
- I’m not perfect enough for him.
I love him and I’ve come to terms that I need to get over this love. I can love him as a friend but nothing more. Oh, did I forget to mention that I’ve hooked up with him years ago. That was nothing serious though. He’s said nice things about me two times when we were both hammered. I was too hammered to recall what he had said. I know he said nice things but I always wonder what? Those things were said before he started falling for her. She puts him down and calls him weird when he’s himself. A reason as to why he’s not comfortable with her. Sometimes she doesn’t even get his jokes and I do. I guess the unanswered questions will never be answered. He’ll never know the extent to which I love him.