I Need You To Know How Badly You Wounded Me

Ieva Urenceva
Ieva Urenceva

You were perfect to me. You were absolutely perfect, and I thought for a moment, I was perfect to you.

I didn’t even mean to get so close to you; I was merely looking for friendship, but I didn’t realize that my heart was beginning to succumb to your charm, to your beautiful smile. I didn’t realize I was falling in love. Those restless nights where I’d think about our long conversations, how I’d smile. I didn’t think I would ever smile again, but you made me have faith all over again and I was ready to risk everything for you.

There wasn’t a day that didn’t go by where we didn’t talk to each other; each day was always wonderful. The sun was shining brighter, there was colour and there was life. Then we met each other for the first time and touched for the first time. Your arms encircled me so tightly and you swayed with me there, stroking my back and stroking your fingers through my hair. You fit perfectly to me and I felt I couldn’t have loved anyone so fiercely and so much. We spent a wonderful week together just enjoying each other’s company.

When you finally had to return home, I was stricken and sick. You and I were both crying, but you promised me you would come back and I believed you.You were so gentle and so sweet, so sincere and honest. I could trust you completely. You listened and I listened to you. We balanced each other so perfectly, I really felt it in my heart you would be the one to stay.

I even got you a promise ring. You accepted and wore it.

Then something happened. You told your woes to me, saying you weren’t sure if your parents would accept you having a girlfriend while you were a girl as well. I understood that, and I made the decision to break up. Now I’m wondering if that was all a lie. Though despite it all, we still stayed in contact, we still talked.

I was willing to wait for you.

I somehow broke down crying harder than I could, saying how much I loved you, asking you if we’d ever be together again. After all those wonderful conversations where you promised me we’d live together, be together, I really believed them.

You then told me you had never felt that way for me, even as we were dating, you didn’t love me.

You led me on.

Now I feel like yesterday’s trash. You bluntly and crudely began to erase me, making it so obvious for me to see. I begged you, begged that if you were going to do this, to not make it so painful, and so obvious, but you disregarded me.

You changed. You were cold, you were cold to me, you hurt me, you told me you could not and would not fight for me.

You left me to wonder what I had done, was this all my fault?

As much as I want to hate you, as much as I want to curse you, I simply can’t.

I loved you so much, I really, really loved you, and I still love you.

I love you so much, even now that we are no longer talking. I want you to meet someone that will be what you wanted, what I couldn’t offer you. Whatever it was that I couldn’t give you.

However, I want you to understand how much you have wounded me, how much you have made me fall out of place.

I’m convinced now that I will never, never find love and that whatever abuse I get from the next person, I must deserve it. You gave me faith in love, but then stole my happiness, and you left my heart in pieces. I hope you’re happy. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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