Thank you for keeping me a secret from your overbearing family. My skin was much too dark and I wasn’t religious, conservative or rich like them. You kept me in your back pocket like a doll you’d stolen from a forbidden toy chest, with no plans to play forever. Through your neglect I’ve learned how to love myself unconditionally. Thank you for each and every excuse you gave why I was not allowed in your home on holidays. It taught me to seek silence in the time my heart cried out during cold winters. It also taught me just how hateful and bigoted people can be for no reason.
Thank you for deflecting every time I questioned our future together. Each argument gave me more courage to escape from your occupied life. Thank you for hurting me and never showing up when I needed you the most. It showed me my weaknesses and gave me strength to forgive my mother whose attention I sought after as a child. Thank you for lying to your family every time you wanted to spend time with me. This showed me you were not ready to sacrifice your comfort zone for me. Thank you for setting me free by betraying my trust. It revealed to me just how different the two of us really are. I am no saint by far but at least my intentions were pure, while yours were just to feed your lust.
Thank you for keeping me in your back pocket and never apologizing for the 7 years you stole from my life. It taught me how to accept accountability for my own actions and decisions moving forward. Thank you for being the worst because this showed me how to become my best. Thank you for the abandonment, lying, cheating and most of all your moving on so quickly. You taught me that true love is never fleeting and is displayed in the light for all to see. I am no secret, I am no flavor of the month fetish to stroke the heart of your curiosity. What I am is a soul submerged inside a body that unfortunately still aches when I think of you. But what I will never be again is your toy.
Thank you for keeping me in your back pocket.
Because of you I now realize that I should never play the background in someone’s life that “loves” me.