Is She Noteworthy?

There’s a dry booger on the urinal wall. My major concern isn’t that there’s a dry booger on the urinal wall, but that a finger most likely got wet with urine placing it there. I scan the bar for hands dripping with gold. James, our drummer, pushes past the Jameson drinkers and offers his hand. I give him my elbow.

The rest of the band arrives and the we-should-probably-bail nods are exchanged. On the back of a client brief I write a note for the girl I’ve been watching from afar. She can clearly see me in her periphery and the intensity with which she talks to her friend increases as I approach. She has predicted the predictable.

“Hi. Enjoying your beer?” I am sure I still have some chicken cashew in my teeth, so speak through pursed lips.

“Yeaahhh…” She drags, followed quickly by a stereotypical schoolgirl giggle.

Not a good start.

I hand her the note folded three times. In primary school I folded a piece of paper six times on itself–I’m pretty sure that’s as folded as you can make it.

“Anyhow, just a little note that, you know, I thought I’d give you. Okay, so, read it, and let me know.”

“Let you know what?”

“The answer to what you’re going to read.”

“What about if I don’t?”

“Don’t read it? Well, I guess that’s your loss.” Who do I think I am? I feel good.

“Okay. First, tell me something interesting that I couldn’t learn from this piece of paper,” she says, waving the folded paper square in front of her; the square representing the last of my self-confidence.

“Well, I go to the aquarium every Saturday. I don’t like fish. I don’t particularly like stingrays, or sharks, either. I mean, I don’t mind sharks. I’ve never been attacked by one and they are quite beautiful in a strange way.”

“So why do you go to the aquarium?”

“The silence. I mean that sounds lame, but so is wearing a band t-shirt,” I counter, pointing to her chest.

“You equate the lameness of silence in an aquarium to a band t-shirt? I’ll read your note.”

I leave the bar with the band, not quite sure of what just happened. Did this band t-shirt wearing midget, with her short cropped hair, disarmingly small eyes and squished nose just rip my fucking soul out? I considered going back to retrieve my note. Then I remembered the contents, and it would only re-affirm what she is probably now thinking. The note read:

Hi, you’re cute. And I am not crazy. Despite what they say, you can’t tell if a person is crazy from their handwriting. Would you like a beer sometime? Tommy. [number].

Just then, as Sam sparked a cigarette and the car took off toward the outskirts of North Melbourne, I received a text:

Your handwriting belongs to a little boy. I’ll come to the aquarium with you on Saturday and then I’ll let you buy me a beer. Alice. TC mark

image – William Cho

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  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Short but sweet. Will there be a follow-up post?

    • http://twitter.com/amertume Christiana

      Not necessarily follow-ups, but… moar plz!

      • Robert F.

        Thanks, Christiana! For sure – if they let me :). Best, RF. 

    • Robert F.

      Not a follow up to this post, but I have a few more on the way, I think. Thanks, RF. 

      • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

        Glad to hear it. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i’m glad that her name is alice, and that this is cute and well-written, but i don’t like how you did it.

    • Robert F.

      Well, thank you anyway, Alex! RF. 

  • Guest

    Sounds like a nice moment at the Espy.

  • Mr Shankly

    You write how I wish I could write. Please keep doing it.

  • Jordan

    I like the point, I really do.  I like the novelty and gesture of notes, the bravery of approaching a girl at a bar, the awkward yet well-intentioned flirtation that works out in the end (you could cast Zooey Deschanel as Alice).  BUT, the interaction was so strained/awkward/aggressive that by the end it didn’t even make sense for her to buy it (I thought the guy was crazy by the time the note was read, and I’m supposed to be on his side haha).  I know thats the point, but it just seemed too incongruous.

    But, keep it up!

    • Robert F.

      You calling me crazy, Jordan!> Thanks for reading, mate. RF.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

    Why did you give her fake name?

    • Robert F.

      Stupidity or one too many beers, i think. Came clean with real name – Robbie – on first date. As you can probably imagine, am not amazing at the whole ‘courting’/’dating’ thing. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=539592740 Viktoriya Gaponski

        You left no room for imagination

  • http://twitter.com/yanyun92 Lim Yan Yun

    (:

  • Gregory Meyer

    Dumb. Why didn’t you just ask her there? Zoo>Aquarium

    • Robert F.

      Ridiculous foreplay I guess, Gregory. Probably was a bit dumb, but let’s be honest, there’s going to be someone who thinks any approach is dumb. It worked (albeit for a shortwhile). Thanks for reading, RF. 

  • A.

    Cute.

  • Anonymous

    wait, is this how people flirt? if so, i’ve been doing it all wrong. 

    • Robert F.

      It’s how i do. Not got much of the old ‘game’ apparently. Thanks for reading, RF.

  • Guest

    If a guy ever gave me that note, I’d be genuinely creeped out. Whoops.

  • Woyzeck

    I don’t like fish either. They’re little fucking bastards, floating around in their fucking bowls like they think they’re the last cornflake or something. Self-righteous little arseholes, it makes me sick and it stinks to high heaven. Nice article.

    • Robert F.

      Thanks dude. My first, but if they let me i’ll write some more. Best, RF.

  • Jrein93

    I couldn’t tell you why, but I am in love with this piece.

    • Bourdillon

      Stop quoting P.Diddy lyrics.

    • Robert F.

      Thanks heaps! Much appreciated. People sure are nice here. RFC.

  • Emily

    The description you gave of the girl is exactly what I look like. Glad to know disarmingly small eyes aren’t an issue.

  • ryan

    i am a huge fan of this. i love notes. i love to give them. it usually works out well. as a girl i absolutely would NOT be weirded out by that. but maybe that’s because i’m weird anyway. whatever. let’s date.

    ps- paper airplanes work wonders too :)

    and i’m scared of aquatic life.

    • Robert F.

      Thanks, Ryan. Much appreciated. Sure, we can date some time. I will start working on a note now. Or can this be it? RF.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mopeyprincess mopey P

    I thought it was sweet how he kinda insulted her physical features while describing his attraction to her?

    I hope they’re still in the early stages of dating and this post is some sort of pass-ag hi-tech way of negging her into falling for him.

    • Robert F.

      Hi there – Mopey P. Nah, it’s over – we dated for three weeks. Nice girl, though. Not over her ex. Cheers, RFC.

  • heehee

    the author is robert, the notewriter is tommy. DISCREPANCIES. BLARGH. i like the part about the booger, and all the stuff that comes after, too. xoxo gossip girl

  • http://twitter.com/tommymac81 tommymac81

    offering notes is the new offering a drink.
    lock up your sisters & girlfriends, or robert f.
    great chapter, looking fwd to the next one.

  • http://twitter.com/tommymac81 tommymac81

    offering notes is the new offering a drink.
    lock up your sisters & girlfriends, or robert f.
    great chapter, looking fwd to the next one.

  • http://twitter.com/tommymac81 tommymac81

    offering notes is the new offering a drink.
    lock up your sisters & girlfriends, or robert f.
    great chapter, looking fwd to the next one.

  • http://twitter.com/tommymac81 tommymac81

    offering notes is the new offering a drink.
    lock up your sisters & girlfriends, or robert f.
    great chapter, looking fwd to the next one.

  • http://twitter.com/tommymac81 tommymac81

    offering notes is the new offering a drink.
    lock up your sisters & girlfriends, or robert f.
    great chapter, looking fwd to the next one.

  • http://twitter.com/harrysteinhart Harrison Steinhart

    You’ve really progressed from the days of simply dropping a note next to a girl as you get off a
    train… ;) HS 

  • Anonymous
  • guest

    moar pleaz

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