Every 0.00002 seconds, a heterosexual male walks up to a semi-attractive woman somewhere in North America and offers to put his penis into her mouth and/or vagina. For the vast majority of these men, the only response to their overtures is a humiliating rebuke.
Many of these unfortunate souls will be stigmatized. They may be labelled with hateful names like creep or douchebag, or slapped across the face with total impunity. Nobody knows how many white wine spritzers have been dumped over the heads of horny straight men but the best estimates run into the millions of gallons.
These men didn’t ask to be straight. It isn’t a choice for them. As Lady Gaga so eloquently put it: Baby, they were born that way. And yet, they are regularly ridiculed and degraded simply because they dare to express their sexuality.
Believe it or not, they’re the lucky ones.
In those cases where the women in question are accompanied by boyfriends or big brothers named Frankie, there is a strong likelihood that, in addition to being verbally abused, many of these men will be violently assaulted, beaten to a bloody pulp and even killed.
This epidemic of “straight-bashing” is so widespread that many men have been forced into the shadows. They deny their deepest, truest selves in order to “pass” in everyday society. Rather than just asking for the sex they are genetically programmed to seek out, they pretend to be polite, buy flowers, and suffer through excruciating movies where British women in big, pouffy dresses work themselves into a tizzy because Baron Mummenfraucher has decided not to attend the ball.
How much longer will straight men be forced to live a lie? When will this pervasive climate of fear and oppression be lifted, allowing them to celebrate their sexuality as openly as gays, lesbians, and transgendered people do?
Some day, straight men will be able to climb up on parade floats festooned with banners that read: I ❤ BIG TITS without being demonized as sexist pigs, and little boys will be able to walk up to little girls and say “I think you’re pretty” without being accused of promoting rape culture.
Until that day comes, all we can do is dream.