I Tried To Pick Up Girls On Tinder Using Only Smash Mouth Lyrics

Tinder
Tinder

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m horrible at approaching women. Even when cloaked in the luring scent of internet celebrity, it’s not uncommon for the Whismeister to yield a fair share of cold shoulders.

I presented myself with a challenge: create a Tinder profile and land a date speaking only in Smash Mouth lyrics.

tumblr_inline_n739avC8xr1qznwyk

I selected a photo of myself shaking hands with whom I will eventually reveal to be the dad from Kenan & Kel. Writer, outdoorsman, dog lover. All fairly reputable hallmarks of a good mate.

Little do they know, 100% of my flirting will be poached from Smash Mouth frontman Steve Harwell.

Let the games begin.

Tuesday

8:23 pm: I’ve swiped right on roughly 50 girls as of now. Going to open with “It ain’t no joke, I’d like to buy the world a toke” from the Mouth’s 1997 debut single “Walkin’ on the Sun.” The responses will undoubtedly reek of both confusion and piqued interest.

11:50 pm: No matches yet. Will get some shuteye and rake in a helping of late night drunk swipes.

Wednesday

4:42 pm: Tinder servers possibly down.

tumblr_inline_n73bqwSLaR1qznwyk

6:29 pm: Swiping right on everybody now.

9:15 pm: Server issues still highly possible. Reinstalling the app.

11:56 pm: Accidentally installed the new iOS update, fairly certain it fucking deleted all of my Tinder matches. Pretty steamed right now.

Thursday

10:21 am: Jotting down Smash Mouth lyrics I may use today.

3:55 pm: Widened the market a bit, anticipating some matches.

tumblr_inline_n73ckqsT571qznwyk

11:47 pm: Okay fuck this. Fuck all of you. Fuck Smash Mouth. Fuck this god damn stupid piece of shit cocksucking app. TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus