Tattoos are awesome. Until they’re not so awesome anymore, that is. They don’t go from being awesome to not awesome right away, though. That happens in a series of stages. For a while right after you get a tattoo, it’s just super cool to look at yourself in the mirror. Not too much longer after that, your mind gets used to seeing tattoos and, much like a mole, or really big scar, you kind of forget that they exist. Years will pass and the fact that you have a bunch of tattoos won’t even register on your conscious thoughts. But then just as abruptly, they’ll pop up again. Now they don’t look so awesome anymore. In fact, you don’t really remember why you ever decided to get tattoos in the first place.
Luckily, laser tattoo removal is a thing. Tons of guys get their tattoos removed every year. Ladies, if you ever come across one of these guys, lock them down, because these are the kind of guys you want to be dating. Here’s why:
1. Your parents won’t disapprove
I get it, you want to date a total badass covered in really cool tattoo, right? But what if your parents are really strict? Is there any way that mom and dad are going to be accepting of a guy with full sleeve tattoos? Probably not.
But what if he’s had all of his tattoos removed, do you think your parents will mind then? I don’t see why not. This is your best-case scenario right here. It’ll be like he’s a nice clean-cut guy on the outside, but on the inside, he’ll be the mysterious tattooed man of your dreams.
2. Laser tattoo removal is super expensive
If you’ve found a guy who’s willing to shell out all of that cash to have his tattoos zap-erased by a laser, chances are he’s super rich. He’s got to be rich, otherwise, how would he be able to afford all of those laser tattoo removal sessions? Plus, not only do you have a guy who’s rich, but you’ve got a rich guy who’s not afraid to spend his disposable income on all sorts of frivolous purchases, like tattoos, and laser tattoo removal.
If you play your cards right, there’s no telling what you might be able to get him to spend his money on. Cars, luxury watches, jet skis … I’m just spitballing here. But I’m telling you, if he’s going to drop a couple thousand dollars having his tattoos taken care of, it’s a pretty safe bet that he can be easily convinced into buying you a jet ski.
3. You’ll be able to show off a bunch of really cool before-and-after pics
Like I said already, after a guy gets a tattoo, there’s a small window where his tattoos are really cool. When you start dating a guy who once had a bunch of really cool looking tattoos, you’ll get to experience some of that coolness vicariously, without having to deal with the embarrassing realities of bringing home some dude that makes your mom scared that her daughter might die in some gang related motorcycle accident.
Find a bunch of his old pictures, and tag him on Instagram for Throwback Thursday. People will think, wow, look at your boyfriend and all of his cool tattoos. Or if they’ve already met your boyfriend and know that he doesn’t have tattoos anymore, they’ll think to themselves, wow, that guy had tattoos? That’s insane. He must be really rich. And all of your friends will be super jealous.
4. You’ll be dating someone full of self-doubt
What kind of a guy not only makes the decision to get a bunch of tattoos, but then makes another decision to go through the painful process of having those tattoos removed? A guy who’s totally insecure and full of self-doubt about his decision-making skills. And if you date a guy like that, you can absolutely work it to your advantage.
Like every time he does something that you don’t approve of, all you have to do is look at him funny and say something like, “Really? Is that really what you want to do?” Chances are he’ll be torn up about making the wrong decision, eventually deciding to just give up and do whatever you think is best.
5. Maybe you can convince some guy with tattoos to have all of his tattoos removed
Then again, it’s not easy to go after guys who have specifically had a bunch of tattoos laser removed. Because how are you supposed to know what to look for? Guys without tattoos more or less look alike, and there’s really no good way to spot which clean-skinned guys might have once been covered in ink.
An alternative is to date a bunch of guys with tons of tattoos, and try to convince at least one of them to have them all removed. This is similarly tough, because you’ll have to find someone rich enough to spend all of that money on tattoo removal. Also, good luck finding a guy willing to let his girlfriend convince him to go through all of those tattoo removal sessions. But if you somehow manage to find someone who’s that committed to making you happy, you’ll have hit the jackpot. Because not only is that guy going to be rich, but he’ll probably do whatever you say for the rest of your life. And he won’t have any dumb tattoos. It doesn’t get any better than that.