
What? Yeah, baby, Iām awake, sorry, just took a little powernap. Yeah, sweetie, I donāt know, what do you want to do tonight? Iām down for whatever. I was thinking we could just stay in and watch some TV. I know you wanted to go out, but Iām just really beat. I had such a long day at work, and then I hit the gym. It was exhausting. Did I tell you I ran three miles? I think I sent you a text. Well, I walked the last one. I walked/ran it, mostly walking though. I donāt know whatās wrong with me today. Iām just totally out of gas.
Itās like my whole day has been off, like Iāve been running really late. I was on the subway before and I must have fallen asleep and stayed on past your stop. Which wouldnāt have been that bad, I mean, I still could have made it to your place on time, and this sounds crazy, I know, but on the way back, I fell asleep again, and I wound up like right back where I started.
Should we eat in or order take-out? Iām just saying, itās so late already. Well, seven oāclock is kind of late. And you figure, by the time we get there, itāll be like seven-thirty, and then weāll have to wait for a table, so thatās like seven-thirty-five, seven-forty. And those restaurants are always so dark inside. Itās like, whenever Iām in a really dimly lit place, my eyes canāt help it, they just want to take a little rest. And come on, you always get so pissed when I start dozing off at the table. Right?
By the way, I had such a great time meeting your mom last weekend. What did she about me? Anemic? I donāt think thatās a really fair description. I mean, did you tell her that I was really tired? That I had a really busy week? Did you tell her that I played basketball on Monday night? Well, maybe if you told her I played basketball, she would have understood. Because, Iām telling you, I was hustling Monday night. We got in a good run. But yeah, I guess that might have been a little rude of me, nodding off when she started talking about her hysterectomy. Which, I agree, that was an awkward moment for me to drift off, but who talks about a hysterectomy to a person theyāve just met? And if it was so important for me to stay awake, whyād you give me that glass of wine? See? There you go. And Iāve told you a million times how comfortable your couch is, man, I could just live on that couch, itās like sometimes I donāt even have to be in your apartment, Iāll just start thinking about sinking into those plush cushions and ā¦
Sorry! What? No, I did not just fall asleep. I was just thinking about something. Come on, you never lose your train of thought? Well thatās how I get my train of thought back, I have to like close my eyes and start thinking about what I was thinking about. Donāt get mad at me. Thatās not fair. Itās because Iām so comfortable around you. Thatās a compliment, itās saying a lot, that I can really just let my guard down around you and feel safe. Right ⦠well, yeah, I did say that I fell asleep on the subway earlier, but thatās just a testament to how far this cityās turned around, that I feel safe enough to fall asleep on the train.
How about, Iāll work on it, OK? Iāll try to be more alert. Iāll drink a big coffee. Letās just forget about it and watch some TV. What do you want to watch? Iāll watch whatever. Seriously, you pick. Itās just that, well, can I start drinking coffee tomorrow? Because right now Iām just barely hanging on here. I donāt think Iām going to be able to make it through an entire episode. Not on this couch. But you watch it, go ahead. Here, you can curl up right here, right on my shoulder.
Yeah, but itās not like a really loud snoring, is it? I just, I always thought that if I were the type of guy to snore, Iād wake myself up in the process. I donāt know, am I a really heavy sleeper? See, that should be something you appreciate, then. What I mean is, you donāt have to worry about tiptoeing around, waking me up.
OK, what does that even mean, I always look like Iām tired? Those arenāt bags under my eyes, Iāve just got really defined features. Chiseled? Whatever, Iām not getting defensive. Iām just saying, if you ever asked me, āHey babe, how do I look?ā and I said, āYou look tired,ā wouldnāt you be upset? And it just hurts, because, yeah, I am tired, all right, Iām spent. You think maybe itās like a vitamin D deficiency or something? Because I always get plenty of sleep.
Is it really that big of a problem, me being so tired all the time? Why donāt we try turning it into something that can bring us closer together? We can take like a lot of really long naps and stuff. We can give each other matching pajamas and drink all sorts of nighttime herbal teas. All right, fine, Iāll work on it. I promise. What? Iām just pinching myself. Because a lot of the time Iāll have these conversations with you, where weāre fighting about something and youāre complaining that Iām always so tired, and then all of the sudden youāll start beeping, and it turns out that itās not you, that youāre an alarm clock, that the whole conversation was a dream and Iām still sleeping. Well, yeah, thatās why Iām pinching myself, because I donāt want to commit to trying to be more awake if this all turns out to have been a dream.
Just earlier, just right before when you woke me up and you were like, āHoney, wake up, letās do something,ā I swear, I was having basically this exact conversation, but that was all a dream. And thatās just another layer of exhaustion, going through this two, three times. Even now, Iām only ninety percent convinced Iām not dreaming right this second, because while it doesnāt happen that often, every once in a while Iāll have that dream-within-a-dream thing, like from Inception, youāre like, āHoney wake up,ā and we talk about me being so tired all the time, and then youāre like, āHoney wake up,ā and Iām like, seriously? How many times am I going to have this conversation? Itās just wearing me out.