1. Charles Still in Charge
It’s been like twenty or thirty years since Charles in Charge went off the air. You’d think everybody would be all grown up and moved out of the house by now, right? Wrong. The daughters partied too hard at school and got sent home after the first semester. The little boy fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up doing time for robbing liquor stores. He’s recently home, but he’s got one of those collars around his ankle prohibiting him from leaving the house. You’d think the grandpa would be dead by now, right? Also wrong. He’s alive, he’s like a hundred years old, but he’s batshit crazy, completely bedridden, and the family doesn’t have any money to pay for a nursing home.
So Charles is still in charge. He’s the only one acting like an adult in a house full of screw-ups, that is, until he gets hit in the head, causing his evil alter-ego Chaz to take over (that actually happened in the original series.) It’s obviously going to be a little dark, but hopefully over the course of season one, they’ll all learn how to be a family again or something.
2. Fuller House
This is basically going to be the exact plot of Full House, but the series of events that lead everybody to live under the same roof in the original series, that’s going to happen to every single character now that they’re all adults. So they’re all going to get married, and they’re all going to have their own three daughters, but their spouses are all going to die, and so each one of them is going to find help from a brother-in-law and an old friend from college. And they’re all going to live in that same house and try to make things work.
It’s going to be like thirty or forty people in that house, like just a really, super full house, full of people, but even more full of love. Even the neighbors are going to be multiplied. Instead of just one Kimmy Gibler, there are going to be like five of them. And remember that episode where the grandfather travels all the way from Greece just to drop dead in the guest bedroom? Yep, you guessed it, at least ten grandparents, all visiting from all across the world, all of them tragically passing away in their sleep on the same night.
3. More Family Matters
Back in the nineties, nerds weren’t cool at all, and so Steve Urkel was always struggling to fit in. He even went so far as to invent a scientific formula that would turn him cool. Unfortunately, the effects were always short-lived, and by the end of each episode, Steve would be back to getting constantly rejected by his closest friends for the crime of simply being himself.
This new show would center around Urkel’s finally getting it right, a technological achievement that would cause his cool transformation to be permanent. But right after he makes the change for good, we realize that it’s not the nineties anymore, that nobody wants to be cool, not really. Everybody wants to be a nerd, kind of. You get the point though, right? Imagine the cruel irony: Urkel will be the ultimate slick-dressing smooth-talker, and everyone else will be wearing the same thick wire-framed glasses that he was ridiculed for needing in high school.
4. Saved by the Bell: The Post-Doctorate Years
We watched Zack Morris and the gang make it through middle school to high school, all the way through their freshman year of college. It only makes sense that we pick up where they left off. Graduate school will have to be a given, because after that, well, you know what the job market is like. It’s like the less time you spend establishing a career right out of school, the harder it is to find decent work, the more appealing the idea to take out more loans, kick the can down the road, and work on more graduate programs and dissertations.
So they’ll all still be at school somewhere, most of them carrying multiple masters degrees in fine arts or humanities. Maybe A.C. Slater could have used some of those college wrestling contacts to get a job at a hedge fund somewhere, so yeah, I guess he could be a money-earning member of society. And Screech, of course Screech is going to be rich off of his science powers. In a similar vein to Urkel, Screech was start-up cool before start-ups were cool. Everyone else, back to the Max, those tables aren’t going to wait themselves, and everyone’s got to make a buck, right?
5. The Fresh Prince of West Philadelphia
This is one where we could play off of current events. The series would open at Uncle Phil’s funeral. Will would be devastated, but his kids wouldn’t be displaying any genuine emotion. They’re spoiled, rich Hollywood kids, and they’re too busy staring at their cell phones to pay respect for the only father figure Will’s ever known. So Will decides to teach his kids what’s it’s like to grow up outside of the lap of luxury. He sends them to live in West Philly, to get a taste of how the other half lives.
Honestly, Will Smith’s a lot more famous now than he was back then, so getting him on board for a weekly sitcom, at this point in his career, it’s probably a little unrealistic. But don’t you think he’d agree to an appearance for the pilot? And then Carlton could take them to Philly. So that would make sense, right? Oh yeah, and maybe Geoffrey the butler insists on tagging along. So they’re living in significantly poorer conditions than they were in Bel-Air, but they’ve still got a butler. So that would be funny.
I guess. I don’t know. Maybe we can’t bring back every TV show. Maybe we’ll have to be content with this new Boy Meets World. Remember that episode where Cory and Shawn joined a battle of the bands contest? But they didn’t know how to play any instruments? So they wound up singing the name-game song with Mr. Feeney? That was great. They should make a new show just about that episode. I’d watch it.