No matter how comfortable you are with your sexuality, you don’t want your parents seeing your collection of sex toys. It can be difficult because what if your mom decides to surprise you and do your laundry, only to discover a dresser drawer full of your most private collection?
Don’t worry, there’s a solution!
The fine folks over at Fleshlight sent over a few items recently to check out. While their selection of products is mind-blowing, I was curious what would be the best way to discreetly store them. I didn’t want to just assume my methods would work, so I invited my grandparents over for lunch. Not only did they not notice the Fleshlights all over my house, but they actually bragged about how posh and sex toy-free my place looked! That’s a win in my book. Here are 8 tried and tested ways to hide a Fleshlight in plain sight without anyone noticing:
1. The Toothbrush Holder
The best thing is that if you have multiple Fleshlights you can set them up for house guests to use for their toothbrush storage as well! They’ll think you went to IKEA and never know they’re actually using a mold of Stoya’s lady parts.
2. An Adorable Bookshelf For Kids!
With so many fun colors available why not use them to decorate a kid’s room or make a bold design statement by using them as bookends for the shelf of literature that hasn’t quite filled up yet. How sophisticated!
3. Wacky Ice Tray
Tired of the same old, boring cubes of ice? We all are! Make your ice stand out from the rest and fill your old Fleshlight with water, place it in the freezer, and in a few hours you’ll have decorative ice the whole neighborhood will envy! You could also make freeze pops so you don’t waste thousands of dollars each year like me forking over your hard earned money to the ice cream man.
4. Chic Artwork
Most people would look at this decorative piece and say, “Wow! Is that a Picasso? Degas? Monet? Banksy?” Nope! Surprise! It’s just a Fleshlight wearing a pair of sunglasses. Look how fancy you are now!
5. Keep Spiders From Crawling Into Your Shoes At Night
I’m sure you’re like me and live in constant fear of spiders nesting inside your shoes then murdering you when you try to leave for the day. Solution? Fleshlight! You can even get clear ones so if a spider tried to sneak up on you, he doesn’t stand a chance.
6. Refillable Shampoo Bottle
Everyone is concerned about the environment, so in addition to storing your Fleshlight you can also save the environment by using it as a refillable shampoo bottle! Your hair will sparkle, the whales will be saved, and your parents won’t notice it at all! There’s even a shower mount for a more permanent storage solution.
Are you tired of hitting your leg on sharp corners or using a wobbly table where all your important documents tumble onto the floor? Problem solved! Your guests will rave about the balance of your tables and how bruise-free their legs are, never realizing the sexy solution you used to fix it.
8. Diddy-Like Sound System
Would you love to throw a giant, neighborhood party but the only things you have are headphones and Fleshlights? There’s a simple hack for that! Unscrew the bottom of the Fleshlights, insert your headphones, turn on Chingy, and watch the locals dance, dance, dance! You’re a hero!