How Long Does It Take Dell Online Support To Realize You’re Just Describing The Plot of Hackers?

Remember that fantastically terrible 1995 movie Hackers? If so, then you’re more cinematically versatile than Dell’s online customer support team. The Jonny Lee Miller/Terrible Haircut Angelina Jolie cyber thriller may not hold up today compared with modern technology, but then again, some might say the same about Dell. I decided to get on with their tech team and basically just describe the plot of the movie to them and see if they could recommend a system to fight off this team of misfit hackers.

I posted as Fisher Stevens’ iconic character Eugene “The Plague” Belford. Remember this devious villain:

I figured if anyone from that movie would need a better system, it would be the imprisoned Eugene. I tried to make his info as realistic as possible and jumped into chat:

Surely you would have some questions about The Gibson at this point, right? I know not everyone is as big of a fan of Hackers as I am, but if this guy is really that unfamiliar with it, then I sort of pity him. He’s missing out on cinematic gold featuring Matthew Lillard with pigtails.

Come on now. I’ve walked most of the plot and mentioned all the character’s names. There’s even another mention of The Gibson. I’ve got one last reference to make and that’s the last card I have to play.

There it is. That’s the end of the movie and pretty much the entire plot. It even includes the little cut scene of The Plague trying to flee to Japan wearing a beard and posing as Mr. Babbage. So now you know and if anyone ever asks you if you could describe the entire plot of Hackers to Dell without them noticing, the answer is yes. Hack the planet!