Roommate wanted. We would split rent 50/50, utilities 50/50, cable 50/50, groceries 50/50. Ideally, you would live somewhere else
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) April 8, 2014
Every time you leave your roommate goes in your bathroom and smells all your lotions.
— denise (@Stellacopter) March 11, 2014
Used to live with a psycho roommate but then I took down all the mirrors.
— guterman (@danguterman) March 10, 2014
Just winked at my roommate by accident and now we have to kiss or move.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) March 1, 2014
Oh great my roommate left just enough water in the Brita pitcher to inspire me to throw a banana at her head
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 3, 2014
My roommate just asked me "how boiling" water has to be before it cooks something. I answered, "7".
— The Guy (@theguydf) March 25, 2014
I put a sock on the doorknob so that my roommate knows not to knock because I've got a pizza in my room
— John Vaccena (@mattytalks) March 12, 2014
If by "sign language", you mean "pissing on the bathroom floor anytime you're upset", then yeah, my roommate's cat speaks sign language
— Will Weldon (@oldmanweldon) June 4, 2014
My roommate had some friends over and they sat on my bed and I am quietly fuming and also panicking in the corner. O-C-D! O-C-D! O-C-D!
— Emily Faye (@mlefaye) December 3, 2013
Lmao I just watched my roommate check the mail then only take his letters back to the house.
— Bris Angel (@Cryptoterra) January 6, 2014
SO ANNOYING when your roommate doesn't do dishes, throws clothes everywhere, & you can't blame him bc he doesn't exist and you live alone.
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) February 1, 2014