1. An agreement saying you’ll eat a steak however he thinks is best and with no steak sauce.
2. For you to bring home a boyfriend he actually likes.
3. One coupon for a day to himself where no one asks him anything and he can watch whatever on TV.
4. A Brazzers membership.
5. Just a bunch of beer — dads love those; did you know this? — or if he’s a little more, uh, free spirited, you could get him some weed. He won’t admit it, but he’d love that.
6. One of those pool chairs that inflate and have a little drink holder on the arm.
7. A free pass to make you watch any of the following with him:
A) House Hunters International
8. A spa day. (Dads love to exfoliate too, you know).
9. Take him to a nice car lot and let him test drive expensive cars while pretending you’re actually interested in buying one.
10. Pay him back for the bail money from that one time.
11. Transferring all his old videos from VHS to DVD.
12. A wad of cash. (BECAUSE WHO DOESN’T LOVE CASH??)
13. A contract saying you’ll turn off the lights every time you leave the room.
14. You could also expand the contract to include an agreement saying you’ll never leave the door open while the air conditioner is running.
15. A tie. Just kidding. Your dad wants to hang himself with all those terrible ties you bought him.