1. You have to choose between spending the money and hiring movers or guilting your friends into helping you in exchange for a Papa John’s single topping pizza. The struggle is that if the movers scratch your coffee table, you’re insured. If your friend does it the only thing you can do is pick the pepperonis off his pizza. That’s about it.
2. If you decide to get movers they’ll tell you that they’ll be arriving at 9:00am. If you’re packed and standing at the door ready to go, they’ll get there at 10:30am. If you overslept and you’re trying to get that last minute packing done, they’ll get there at 8:15am because of a cancellation.
3. Remember all those stains that you covered up with a rug or the couch? Now your floor looks like a rorschach test that looks like you not getting your deposit back.
4. As soon as your realize you need to start packing it suddenly becomes easier to find the Tesseract Cube from The Avengers than it is to get free boxes.
5. Once you get boxes you start packing but everything you own is exactly one inch taller than any box you’ve gotten.
6. If you wait until the last minute you end up throwing random objects into each box to hurry and get it done. The problem is when you start unpacking and one box contains items for the kitchen, living room, bedroom, bathroom, basement, your parent’s house, and your high school gym.
7. On the other hand, if you decide to be proactive and pack early, it’s great for moving day, but the weeks before that you’re sitting in an empty room on a pile of boxes like some well organized episode of Hoarders.
8. Every time you move you find 3 or 4 boxes of junk that you can’t bring yourself to throw away so you just lug it to the next place where it will sit in your closet for years unopened until you decide to move again. This will continue until you die and then you’ll leave that box to your children in your will and now the cycle will start all over with them.
9. It never fails, every time you start moving somehow you will pack your phone charger in a box underneath a spice rack and a copy of the constitution that you’ll desperately search for, but won’t find until you’ve already bought a replacement charger.
10. Your lease is usually up on a week day which means instead of using your vacation day to go to Six Flags or something, you have to spend it dragging around cardboard boxes full of encyclopedias. Why do you still have encyclopedias? You’re on the internet right now. It’s an encyclopedia that won’t stop updating itself ever!
11. The worst part of it all? YOU HAVE TO HANG ALL OF YOUR STUPID PICTURES ALL OVER AGAIN!
12. If you’re a picture frame maker and you do that awful design where I have to put two nails in the perfect spot in the wall in order for the frame to fit on them instead of just having a long ledge on the back of the frame so I can put the nails wherever, you’re a monster. I know that was a long sentence and may not make sense to everyone, but I’m very passionate about it. Stop ruining my life, frame makers.