I would feel confident in saying that 30% of my life is spent thinking about pizza. It may be a sickness, to be honest. I’d say a lot of you feel the same way. No matter if you prefer a delicious stuffed crust pizza or you’re some sort of swamp goblin that likes thin crust, here are twenty hilarious pizza tweets that will definitely sway your lunch and dinner plans today.
porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 31, 2012
If you cut your pizza up into small pieces you can use it as a topping for your other pizza.
— Gavin (@gavinpivott) January 7, 2013
I just want someone who wants the same things I want. (mostly pizza and a good internet connection)
— Mae (@mzeld) March 20, 2014
Did you know-if you write “breakfast” before it, anything can be a morning food? Breakfast-burrito, breakfast-pizza, breakfast-despair.
— (maura) (@behindyourback) March 18, 2014
I like it when you eat pizza and then you drink Diet Coke and you get that oil slick on top from your greasy pizza lips.
— Laura (@LadyLardman) March 19, 2014
If you really wanna get a guy’s attention, carry a pizza box.
— Giselle (@letsgetgizzy) March 15, 2014
Usually I say I’m watching porn but I’m really watching the Domino’s pizza tracker
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) March 20, 2014
Honey, if you need me I’ll be in the VR helmet. Please shove pizza in there when I look hungry and tell people I’m on an important mission.
— Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) March 19, 2014
I wish people wouldn’t refer to Pizza as “za” cause that’s how I refer to influenza.
— Jason Lastname (@JasonLastname) March 19, 2014
On the 5th day God created the birds and all the living creatures in the oceans and then he was like, “Can we get pizza? It’s Friday.”
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) March 14, 2014
I ate so much pizza at the restaurant that the extra slice I brought home doesn’t seem like food to me, but rather, my child
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 14, 2014
Damn girl are you a pizza at a Chinese buffet because I’m not feeling it right now but I see you over there doing you and I respect that.
— tony logan (@tnylgn) October 7, 2013
Place one pizza on top of another to create a Venn diagram showing the overlap between “Happy People” and “People Who Have Pizza”
— Brian Essbe (@SortaBad) March 14, 2014
Sex is a lot like pizza. They’re both not very good at Sbarro.
— Andy Levy (@andylevy) March 10, 2014
People dabbing the grease off their pizza: Give me those napkins, I’ll eat them.
— molly (@Molly_Kats) March 12, 2014
A romantic trail of pizza leading to the bedroom
— matt (@biorhythmist) March 12, 2014
Love is an open door with a pizza guy on the other side.
— Superhero & 00Negro (@MarcusTheToken) February 28, 2014
Any pizza can be gluten free if you only lick the crust.
— Joel Ingersoll (@FlyoverJoel) March 10, 2014
IDEA: pizza that comes in a box made of ice cream cone material so you can eat the box too.
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) March 8, 2014
When I die don’t put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) March 7, 2014