15 Signs You’re Secretly An Old Person

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

I may not be elderly in years yet, but I’m fairly certain I’ve been an undercover old person for several years. They say age is only a number, but I feel like that could go both ways because I’m finding I have less in common with my friends who want to go out every night, and more in common with their grandparents. Here are 15 signs that you’re also a secret old person.

1. You now prefer to go to movies on weekdays during the afternoon so you can avoid a theater full of loud, obnoxious teenagers or just large crowds in general.

2. If you did happen to go to a movie where there was a group of teens, you’ve shushed them before the film even started just to let them know that you won’t be putting up with any shenanigans.

3. If someone calls you after 9pm, you may not say it out loud, but you quietly think, “Well this had better be an emergency.”

4. Whenever you get up from a chair you’ve started making that “uuuuuhhhhggggrrrrghhh” sound.

5. You’ve gotten genuinely excited over a bowl of soup.

6. A popular song has come on the radio which caused you to your eyes and say “THIS is music? Let me tell you about good music…”

7. An entire week has revolved around a trip you’ve planned to Costco.

8. You’ve started taking unintentional naps, sometimes during conversations.

9. The biggest deciding factor in which bar you go to is how loud they play their music. If it’s too loud, you’re leaving.

10. You used to immediately throw them away, but now when coupons come in the mail you read and study them like it’s the greatest piece of literature ever written.

11. When you watch TV you’ve started keeping a blanket over your legs like FDR.

12. You’ve gotten emotionally invested in an episode of Dateline, NCIS, or Cops.

13. The only shots you’ve taken in the last year was a B12 shot.

14. You’ve spent an irrational amount of time comparing different types of canisters.

15. There’s a good chance you’ll cancel plans if there’s an episode of House Hunters on that you haven’t seen yet. TC Mark

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