The Soundtrack To Every Step Of Your Break-Up

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Two-Disc Unrated Collector's Edition)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Two-Disc Unrated Collector’s Edition)

Breaking up sucks. We’ve all been there and all experienced it, but that doesn’t make it any easier. If you’re anything like me, every break-up is accompanied by four emotional stages; there’s the crying part where you question every decision you made in the relationship. There’s the angry part when you throw all of their high school yearbooks into a dumpster. I’m not proud of it, but in the moment, it was magical. Next is the return to the crying part where you wonder if you should have been so angry and may have ruined any chance of you getting back together. Finally, after all of this, you’ll sit down with a friend who will tell you that he was always creepy when you went to the bathroom, or that her bangs always smelled like cabbage. That’s when you realize that you’re better off without them and you don’t need them anyway. To help you through each step of your break-up, here’s a playlist to accompany each phase of the process. Sure, you’ll sulk around your apartment for a few days listening to Jewel on repeat, but it’s all part of the process. Let’s get through this together. I love you.

The Crying Part

Tony Rich Project – Nobody Knows
There’s no way that Tony Rich wasn’t a total downer at parties. No one captured the feeling of wallowing in your own sadness quite like he did with his one hit song.

Boyz II Men – End of the Road
When the guy with the deep voice comes in, forget about it.

Cinderella – Don’t Know What You Got ‘Til It’s Gone
Even hair band rockers from the ‘80s had their hearts broken. It’s not just you.

Brian McKnight – Anytime
George Michael – Careless Whisper
Bonnie Raitt – I Can’t Make You Love Me
Mariah Carey – We Belong Together
The Carpenters – Superstar

The Angry Part

Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats
Carrie Underwood did more damage during this song than Stephen King’s Carrie did after prom. Not only did she get revenge, she broke about a dozen laws along the way.

Eamon – F*ck It
The first time I heard this song on the radio I assumed I had misunderstood what he was saying. Turns out I was not, and Eamon was just putting it all out there. There isn’t an angrier break-up song than this.

Cee Lo Green – Forget You
If you’re going through a break-up, I’m 80% sure you are legally required to listen to this song at some point.

Neyo – So Sick
Rihanna – Take a Bow
Kelly Clarkson – Never Again

The Crying Part Sequel

Adele – Someone Like You
Adele has become the voice of relationships ending. I’m sure her ex looks forward to turning on the radio every day and being reminded of it.

Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U
It’s the ultimate one-two punch of depressing break-up songs. If your relationship ends and you listen to these songs long enough it’s scientifically proven that you will eventually run out of tears. That’s just a fact.

Jewel – You Were Meant for Me
Toni Braxton – Unbreak My Heart
Gotye – Somebody That I Used to Know
Frankie J – How to Deal
N’Sync – Gone
Whitney Houston – Didn’t We Almost Have It All

The “I’m Better Off Without You” Part

Taylor Swift – We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
It doesn’t matter what you think about Taylor Swift, you have to admit that she made the ultimate song for laughing in the face of a break-up. I want to get dumped just so I have an excuse to blast this for a week.

Justin Timberlake – Cry Me a River
How can you even be upset about your break-up when Justin just put Britney on blast?

Beyonce – Irreplaceable
First of all, who is dumping Beyonce? She takes it to another level in Irreplaceable when, not only does she kick him out, but lets him know that she could have another man in a minute. So long, pal!

Pink – So What
Keith Urban – You’ll Think of Me
Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
Stevie Wonder – For Once in My Life TC Mark

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