Many people blame themselves when a person walks out of their life. I, for one, do this all the time.
I keep on asking myself “what did I do wrong?” for every person who left me with or without saying goodbye. Is it the way I talk? Maybe it’s my neediness and insecurities. My heart tells me it’s not. My brain says otherwise.
The sorrow of a heartbreak is not just about losing the person, it’s losing yourself too.
Self-doubt creeps in and if you’re caught off guard, it will swallow you whole. We start hating ourselves and hurting ourselves with negative thoughts. Scarring our heart, mind, and soul in the process. Be careful. These scars can last a lifetime.
So let me tell you this, stop blaming yourself.
They left you not because there’s something wrong with you. They left you not because you lack anything. They left you not because you’re unlovable. They left you not because you are unworthy of their love. They left you because they chose to leave.
People leave because they have decided to leave. You cannot do anything to make them stay. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone stay with you because they wanted to be with you and not because you asked them to?
Don’t justify their actions. If there is one thing I learned when someone left me, it is that I don’t have to abandon myself, even after everyone else has.
People come and go. Feelings come and go. Heartaches come and go. The only one who will stay with you is YOU.
This is why you need to love yourself more than you love someone else. Embrace your flaws. Nobody is perfect – cliched, but true. Magnify your strengths and strengthen your weakness. Accept your humanness. And don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. That’s why mercy and forgiveness exist.
If you’re looking for validation, don’t look outside yourself. Find it within. We are responsible to ourselves. Everything we need to be happy and successful is already inside of us. And no this is not just another positivity BS. Our brain is a powerful tool. We just need to use it. And use it often.
If you’re still blaming yourself for why that person left you, get a piece of paper and write them a letter. Sometimes, we can’t stop blaming ourselves because we still have a lot of feelings bottled up inside. We have things we wanted to say that we didn’t get a chance to tell them. Write everything down. Good or bad. No judging.
Once you’re done, read it. Cry if you have to. And then promise yourself that this is the last time you’re going to blame yourself. Promises are meant to be broken. But not this one.