A Letter From God In Your Silent Despair

Ben White
Ben White

I used to believe that I was the author of my life.

I thought if I wanted something bad enough, it will be destined to be mine.

What I wanted more than anything was to spend the rest of my life with a man that I still love.

I wanted us to grow old together.

I had a vision for my life.

But that vision is gone.

Since our separation, I’ve been forced to let go of the dreams I have once hold.

The life I thought was mine, or the life I thought I would create, is now absent.

There is nothing but silence that echoes on my path.

I know not which way to go. I know not which way to turn. I know not what lies behind the horizon.

For the past few months, I’ve been trying to surrender to the current of life, and boy I’m having trouble with it!

In despair, I wrote an angry letter to God.

I poured out my heart, my soul and everything in between.

I cried silently, as not to be heard outside of my bedroom walls.

I searched for air in that silent despair.

I released some of my pain, which poured out of me, like a waterfall that’s been held captive for years.

My breathing slowed down.

I entered emptiness.

And all became still.

And all that kept whispering in my ear was, “Pain comes from wanting to read an unwritten story”.

I heard it over and over again, until I sensed there was more that followed those words.

Being the servant to my pen, I began to write.

I felt a presence; one I often feel when I write.

This presence was gentle yet firm, and one thing that is for sure, it didn’t want me to give up, and it never does.

When I write, I enter this space that can only be described as flow.

I often am not aware of what I’m writing up until I put my pen down.

When I need solace on dark nights, this voice comes to me, and an inner urge rushes through my blood, screaming, “pick up a pen and paper”.

And so I write.

I often say that I hear angels whisper songs to me and in words I write their melody.

It might be angels, it might be God, it might even be my own soul speaking to me, but whatever that voice is or whoever it is, I think it’s time I start listening.

And after writing and reading back the following, I know things will be different from this point on.

I’m sharing this, because I know this message is not only meant for me, but it is also meant for you.

I call this A Letter from God:

Pain comes from wanting to read an unwritten story,
holding on to expectations of it, of what should have been or should be.
Peace comes from accepting the story that’s being written FOR you.
You might not get the ending you expected but it doesn’t mean the actual ending won’t be as good, might even be better.

Allow life to write your story for you.
The one place where you are NOT the author is your life itself.
In your life, you are simply the pen.
I use you to create your story, so stop resisting me.

Move with my hand, move with me.
Move with me so I can write a story unlike any other.
Move with me so that I can surprise you with twists and plots that keep you on your toes.
Move with me so I can write a new love story, a new path, give a new theme to the novel that is your life.

This time, you’re not the one holding the pen,
you are the pen, so be it.
Allow life to flow and roll through you.
Life will be a little easier that way.

You’ve been resisting me for way too long, but goddamn it, I have a story to write!
My assignment has an expiration date so move out of the way!
You will clearly see one day
that all the lines, the characters, the pit stops, the suspense, the heartaches, the pain, the disappointments, and the rejections, were all part of the script.
A script that will be memorable and purposeful.

So for the love of ME get the hell out of my way (no pun intended)!

Stop worrying about your story and how it will unfold.
Forget about the chapters that are not yet written and told.
Forget the punch lines that are about to mark their way.
Forget the words that I will one day say.
Focus on each letter of your life that I sculpt with attention and purpose.

Be present for it so we can work as a team
to give life and color to your dream.
I need you as much as you need me.
Now let’s do this!
Let’s unveil your destiny!

I truly hope that in your sweet silent despair, you become quiet enough to hear life speaking to you.

Know that you are never alone, and life has a plan for you.

Your only job is to let go of control and move where you are needed.

Also, know that the universe doesn’t always respond to us in the written form, for some of you these signs and messages come through music, through patterns, through art, through equations, through song, and through the people who pass you by.

Pay attention to life’s signs.

The universe keeps calling your name, but if you are too busy or too stubborn to listen, your fate might just pass you by, and with it your dreams will die.

So wake up! And move out of the way!

Let life be your private guide today.

Be carried by faith.

Be moved by hope.

Be awakened by your silent calls that invoke the breath in your lungs, your surrounding air, helping you heal your sweet silent despair. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Rita Jade is a writer, poet, healer and inspirational speaker.

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