This Is Why My Electric Car Is My Favorite Adult Toy

It’s close to sunset on a glorious Friday evening and the coastal sky is ablaze with opulent color. I sprint to catch a mobbed elevator brimming with polite banter of people anxious to get home early, and remind myself to take the stairs the next time, plus my glutes would be quite appreciative! While lost in thought of having a tight firm ass, I’m thrust hard into the corner of my temporary prison by a rigid, bright-orange Hermes purse, held tightly by a tall polished woman. Her supercilious demeanor rips through the TGIF-atmosphere and her presence next to me makes me unconsciously straighten my posture.

The thought of why a woman that stunning doesn’t have a ring on her finger peaks my curiosity. The elevator doors open interrupting my thought, and several men step inside while admiring themselves in the mirrored walls. They discuss the S&P, football stats and weekend getaways, a pissing contest, which breaks the ice and amuses me. Arrogance aside, they smell delicious, like expensive French cologne and I can’t help but smile. They all look alike; fancy caramel-color oxfords, no socks and well-tailored suits.

And as everyone knows, a well- tailored suit is to women… what lingerie is to men. But as I steal a glance down, I notice their trousers appear two sizes too small. Their boyish-sized pants look rather restricting yet freely allow full exposure of their ridiculous bare ankles… I doubt I will ever get used to this American version of the classic Italian look. The doors finally open and I shuffle my way out into the loud congested lobby toward the parking lot, I’m bubbling with excitement to see my new love.

My ever so silent, battery powered electric toy offers me solace after a hard day’s work and makes me smile more than expensive cologne. I coast in tranquil silence toward the highway. From a distance, I see numerous brake lights spread thickly across a seven-lane highway and I make my way into the car-pool lane (one of the many EV perks). Exhaust fumes flood the standstill air, turning frustrated drivers helplessly pale. I catch glimpses of them staring blankly at their smartphones, zoned out or in autopilot mode.  All the while, my inner diva is jumping up and down, clapping her hands like a five-year-old, tempestuously waving bye to the gas-guzzling, fossil fuel sucking cars and I catch myself in the rearview, grinning ear-to-ear with a sardonic smile.

I make my way home in half the time and drive past the familiar landmarks; neighborhood dry cleaners, my local coffee house and gas station. Instinctively, I glance at the sign and make a mental note of the price, $2.53. But then it dawns on me – NEVER AGAIN – I will never again touch another dirty, thick, heavy nozzle and insert it deep into my tank. While I try to shake off the visual, I realize I LOVE my new toy and haven’t had an adult toy that gives me this much pleasure since… well, let’s just say it’s been a while!

Studies Shhmudees find… blah blah blah

• A new study finds that drivers who own or lease electric cars are wealthier and better educated than the general public. Compared to US national statistics, the EVIX respondents are more than twice as wealthy as most Americans, 77 percent hold four-year degrees or higher, compared to 28 percent of the public. 85 percent are white, 79 percent are male.  – Business Insider
• The study found that 55 percent of electric vehicle buyers are between 36 and 55 years old and nearly 21 percent have an average household income of $175,000 or more.  – Forbes
• Buyers of electric cars from major automakers tend to be younger and richer than those who opt for the conventional versions of the same models, a new study finds.  – USA Today

I find.

I find myself humbled by the advanced technology, which allows me to drive an emission free car, it’s amazing how far we’ve come. I find myself in love with an affordable Electric Vehicle, and it makes me feel like a million bucks.