The male approach to dating and getting married lies somewhere between that of a caveman and a mechanical engineer, often more like the caveman. So, I have simplified WHY remaining a girl-friend outweighs a girl-friend who changes in order to be considered marriage material. This is not intended to be a perfected list, mind you. But understanding these few simple things may make the picture far clearer.
First: Men love their freedom
Charismatic guy dates sweet hottie and they both fall in love…
A match made in Heaven? Abso-fuckin-lutely!
Mr. Charismatic courts Miss Lady-in-streets-and-a-freak-in-bed. They date and their companionship, laughter, lust, and friendship turns into a deep mutual love for one another in no time. He dangles carrots in front of her: “I’m falling in love with you,” “You’re so beautiful”, “I love you more today than I did yesterday”, “I never want to sleep with another woman again”, “Porn doesn’t do it for me anymore…” and she understands their relationship as being long-term and high-commitment. She no longer views him as a pass-time and the whole dynamic of the relationship changes.
They take the next step and move in together (so they can fuck all the time and life is good), but then she starts to show signs of transforming into an over-sensitive clingy girl. He really likes her yet notices she’s mothering him, monitoring him, and protecting him. Now the light at the end of the tunnel is clenching tightly, suffocating his freedom.
Miss Perfect transforms into Miss Pecking-at-shit-that-doesn’t-matter-because-that’s-what-a-good-future-wife-does. She ends up placing more importance on her man and ignores things that were once important in her life. She assumes (or in some cases, dreams) he is as committed to her as she is to him, and gives up a lot, or puts up with a lot, in order to get what she wants most— the relationship. The “relationship” has now become more important than herself or the man. She treats him with the intent of making him recognize her self-worth. And when he interprets her efforts as pecking, we can all imagine how that usually turns out— resentfulness, heartache, anger, tears.
Second: Life is hard enough as it is, why make it harder?
Life was simple and when you two were friends? You got invited to everything he went to, why? Because friendship is eternal. I still get invited whenever my guy friends hang out; either to watch the game, go to happy hour, shoot the shit, or whatever. Yet they never tell their girlfriends or wives that I’m a part of their circle. If they knew a girl was invited and not them, they inevitably would feel bad or bitch about being kept in the dark and ask multiple questions as to why girls were a part of their circle but not them.
So ladies, remember when things were light, fun and airy? Which is probably why you felt as though you were walking on clouds. When nothing was taken to heart, words were forgiven easily and life was good? Baby steps are important for that reason. Smell the roses, toss that salad, LOL, do what it takes to enjoy every aspect of the friendship – why would you want to lose that?
Third: Why nag when boys will do wtf they want anyways?
You just don’t know it.
Time and time again my girlfriends cry, bitch, and complain about how they catch their man doing things behind their backs. And I keep reminding them (time and time again); Is all that stress, annoyance, nagging, tears, and complaining worth it? What if you knew he was going to do it anyway? Either be accepting so he will tell you and include you, or remain in the dark and be left behind. Be accepting and enjoy life together or STFU and move on.
Sometimes we all slip up (including myself) and try to become someone we think the other person wants… when all they wanted was who you were to begin with when you first started – a friend.