Since I was little, I’ve never believed in fairytales. I never expected someone would suddenly show up in my life, and turn my world upside-down. I thought it was only for a movie and too good to be true.
It proved me that I knew nothing until I met you.
We’ve met two summers ago. Your laugh caught my attention, and I found myself in awe.
I was the new girl who had a lot of worries in her mind, and you welcomed me with your arms wide open. You accepted me for who I am and I know I will eternally appreciate it.
For the next 11 months in the new place, my heart did not know how to calm down. When you told me to have a good day, I certainly did because I met you. When you waved and smiled at me, I was screaming inside…The list goes on.
For the first time, you made me believe in love at first sight, and maybe in a human being. I still don’t know what it exactly was, but you made me believe in something beautiful in this universe, and it took my breath away.
But the day has come. The day I’ve never wished existed.
I needed to go home.
In the last 21 chapters of my life, no one has ever told me how much ‘a goodbye’ could hurt, and how to embrace the pain.
I was underestimating ‘you only realise the importance of someone when they are gone’ kinda quotes. And wow. It did hurt.
Have you ever felt your heart shuttering into pieces? That’s exactly how I felt as I watched you leave. It almost felt as if the world was falling out of my hands. Replaying the moment all over again in my head still brings tears to my eyes.
You are the one who has the ability to make me smile like an idiot whenever I think or talk about you.
You make my heart beat harder and faster than it should.
You are the one who I want to be held by when life gets too much.
You are the one who makes me feel as a whole, without even knowing.
It’s always been you.
And you had no idea.
Maybe this is weird for me to say that I miss you since you’ve never been mine. But I really do. I miss all the laughs, not-so-funny jokes, and innocent looks we have shared.
I miss all of that.
I miss them so much that it feels like my heart got stabbed with a sharp knife every time I see something that reminds me of you.
And sometimes I wonder if you miss them, too.
Have I ever crossed your mind?
Has your heart ever beat faster when you heard my name just like yours did to mine?
Have you ever wonder if I miss you on the other side of the world? (yes,I do,like a lot.)
People tell me to just get over and move on. Some even tell me that it’s not worth it to hold on to memories. But the thing is, I don’t think I can ever do that unless you give me a reason to hate you. I have so much of you in my heart, and there is no way that I can erase you off my heart. I don’t want to, and all the sleepless nights, tears I shed, heartaches I felt — all of them were worth it.
You were worth it, my dear.
I’m sorry for being selfish and never having the bravery to tell you all of this in person. I really am.
I promise you—when we meet each other next, I will run to you, and embrace you with everything I’ve got until you laugh and tell me to stop. Then, I will tell you how much you mean to me because people like you deserve to know the best.
But until then, I guess the lyrics of some cliche love songs would keep my mind busy with a thought of you.