1) Stop posting your hyped up ab pictures.
Seriously. No one cares. It’s not flattering. If you’re one of my friends, I’m going to make fun of you regardless. I know you’re not doing it for my pleasure or amusement, but it’s weird, and it’s only pandering to the exact sort of girls you will be bitching about next week when your most recent fling fucks your bro.
2) Stop calling everyone bruh.
I’m older than you. I’m even your superior at work. I know this is social media, but I’m not your bruh, and last I checked you grew up in Wisconsin. Not California. So don’t expect me to reply to your message about work when you’re talking to me in that ridiculous tone.
3) Don’t post pictures of vehicles you don’t own.
Seriously. What the hell is up with that? Last week you had your 1995 Honda up, and now it’s a Lotus? When did you become a millionaire? And can I borrow a grand? Or wait, you’re a Transformer.
4) Posts about your girlfriend when you’re fighting with her.
You’re almost thirty! Stop! I don’t even do this when I’m fighting with a significant other. Did you never leave middle school?
5) Posting on a girl’s status and looking “thirsty” because she said something about moving all by herself.
Seriously. It wasn’t an invite for your weird come ons. It was a celebration that she did it without a man, specifically without you. And if the only way you can pick up a girl is this way, which I doubt highly has ever worked, then you are sad. Sad sad. Try talking to females with your mouth. In person. For real.
Hopefully, some of you dudes will read this. And maybe bruh, you’ll realize how simply foolish you look. For realz.