An Apology Letter To Calvin Harris — How Taylor Swift Treated You Is Completely Disgusting

Wikimedia / BitchBuzz
Wikimedia / BitchBuzz

First of all, as a bro and a big fan of your music, let me start by offering my sincerest condolences for the abrupt conclusion of your relationship with Taylor Swift.

Through the media is how I first learned of what appeared to be your loving, nurturing relationship with one of the world’s most adored singers. Only through the media is how I learned of your sudden breakup after 15 affectionate months. And only through the media did I hear about Taylor and her new beau, Loki.

With all due respect Mr. Harris (and all other future Taylor Swift boyfriends, for that matter), what did you expect when you date someone who writes songs with titles like “I Knew You Were Trouble”, “Bad Blood”, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, and “Shake It Off”?

I’ll admit I used to be a TayTay fan before this shit went down. I’ll admit that I’ll still sing her songs loudly and proudly while they’re being played on the radio. I’ll even admit that I still think she’s a cutie.

But I gotta vent. So here it is.

Listen, I don’t know what went on during your relationship nor do I pretend to, but the way she recently disrespected you is disgusting. It’s completely uncalled for.

How the f*ck can you claim that you still have love and respect for your former boyfriend while you’re canoodling with some other dude not even three weeks later? What right do you have to defame your exes by writing songs about them when you’re clearly the one that lacks respect and decency?

Calvin, if I were you, I’d be counting my blessings, man. Sure, Taylor Swift is an attractive young lady. Sure, Swift is a mega superstar. Sure, Swift has lots of good things going for her.

But Taylor Swift is missing one ginormous quality. And that is quality is integrity.

Absolutely no person in their right mind with a decent level of integrity would treat another human the way she treated you. To quote my good fictional friend Stephanie Tanner: “How rude?”

Again, I don’t know the exact circumstances of your breakup. I don’t even know the circumstances surrounding your relationship in the first place. The only things I know are from what the media has reported.

And based on those reports, “I should have known that she was trouble when she walked in. So shame on me now.” What kind of role model is she being to her young, impressionable fans?

It’s quite possible that Mr. Hiddleston is just a rebound. It’s quite possible that Taylor Swift still loves and respects you. But if I were you, I would fuggedaboutit! Continue to concentrate on producing those booty shaking, chart topping hits that you do so well.

‘Cause after Taylor Swift’s next album is released, I think it’s safe to assume that your name will be associated with other chart topping hits that you didn’t produce.

BTW: I wrote this letter before I discovered the number sorry Taylor letters from her fans. At least my letter comes from an objective point of view. TC mark

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