I value Justin’s friendship, and he was so sweet when he took me out to dinner. I just wish he weren’t so crazy about me that – oh, well. Several times he hugged me or started making moves, like talking about giving me a back rub, and I froze up. It’s my own fault for answering the door without putting on a shirt first. . . I purposely walked him to the station so that we wouldn’t have to say goodbye in private.
I’m feeling more and more that he’s falling in love with me. I hope I’m wrong, but there are vibrations. He’s never called me so often before. Unfortunately, I can’t reciprocate if he does love me. I’ve never found myself in this position before, and I hope I can handle it okay. Probably he’s stable enough and cool enough not to let it get out of hand.
I feel so lucky to be able to be doing what I’m doing. My reading last night at Darinka went well. Justin was the only one of my friends to show up, but that was fine with me. I have to start paying more attention to Justin; he’s been a good, loyal friend, and maybe we could be more than friends now that it’s over with Ronna.
I was surprised when Ronna said she always felt a strong sexual attraction to me, “even when I was madly in love with Jordan.” Just as I once hoped Ronna would marry Jordan so she’d be “safe,” she told me she had hoped Sean and I would move in together. I told her I thought we could adjust to being just friends.
She said, “I’ve got to talk to you about sex. . . I’ve been thinking a lot about it.” At first, I figured she was going to talk about birth control, but no, she told me she didn’t want to go to bed with me anymore. Or she wanted to, but she didn’t think it was good for her. Two weeks ago she turned 32, and she wants to get married and have kids, and the biological clock is ticking away.
I drove Mom to the flea market at Dinner Key Auditorium in the Grove – the place Jim Morrison got arrested for exposing himself at a Doors concert – where she’s been doing more business than most vendors. It’s surprising and gratifying to see how my mother operates in the business world.
Finishing up at the warehouse, Josh and I took a drive out on State Road 84 to the Alligator Alley toll both, had lunch at Taco Viva, and picked up some tasteless alligator-bites-girl postcards for Josh to send the folks back home.
She told me how I was the best teacher she ever had, and of course I said that was very nice to hear. Then she asked if she could kiss me. Flustered, I nodded and offered her my cheek; instead, she put her arms around me tight and kissed me on the lips. When I said that I had to go, she asked, “How about one for the road?” and again embraced me and kissed me.
Seeing one good-looking young muscular guy is exciting, but seeing a thousand of them in fifteen minutes at Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale is too many for the mind to handle. Also, the beach air reeked of two smells I hate: beer and vomit.
Josh went through his whole adulthood with that dog at his side, so it must be very hard for him now. To make matters worse, Josh called Wanda in London, figuring now that Butch was gone, he could make his long-delayed trip to visit her. But Wanda told him she had gone back to her old boyfriend– this after they’d been corresponding daily. He really needed to hear that now, huh?